


Snapshots of the sun ☼

by tasteofcandy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: College Students NCT Dream, M/M, even tho the kid basically has 100 dads, everyone loves renjun fic basically, i forgot he has a kid too for a second, parent mark lee, single parent renjun, teen parent renjun, theres really not much to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26057491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasteofcandy/pseuds/tasteofcandy
Summary: Sometimes, Renjun struggled with being a parent. too young and too unprepared.Even though it was often harder and more emotionally taxing than he’d ever expected, there would always be tomorrow where he could try a little harder & love a little more.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 7
Kudos: 57





	Snapshots of the sun ☼

🌻

July 6th: 4 hours before

Hospital waiting rooms sucked at the best of times. From the too white walls that reflected the harsh fluorescent lighting, casting hideous shadows on everyone's faces, and constant slapping sounds of shoes hitting against the linoleum flooring each time a nurse walked by or someone new shuffled in...hospital waiting rooms always made for an uncomfortable environment. And right now the one Renjun found himself in, occupying a seat in the furthest corner, felt especially suffocating, yet he daren't leave it for more than a moment. The youngest in the room, and with no one by his side, he sat with his hood pulled tight over his head, legs shaking as he wiped his sweaty palms on them. He had nothing to do but listen to the sounds of the ward around him. 

While the other occupants of the waiting room seemed to melt at hearing the cries of new lives being brought into the world behind the closed doors, Renjun’s nerves only increased. He watched as the other waiting families were led from the room with smiles and happy tears. Each time the door opened, Renjun’s heart would race, and he would try to fold himself even smaller into the corner of the room, silently praying no one would pay attention to the misplaced teenager. He felt out of place. However, he feared if he left for longer than a minute he would miss when his turn to be led out by a soft faced nurse came. 

Renjun repeatedly told himself that missing that moment would be worse than having to sit surrounded by adults who, unlike him, looked like they belonged there, so he stayed rooted to his seat. He didn’t know if there would be happy tears when his turn came. He didn't expect any, but it didn’t make it hurt any less as he watched another family embrace each other as a nurse stood over them smiling. 

Renjun wished his parents were there to keep him company, or at least make him feel like he belonged in that waiting room, but his mother could only promise him that she would join him as soon as she could, some big function or something at the restaurant holding her back during his time of need. He tried so hard not to let himself get bitter over the fact he had been left alone but it was so difficult to not let his emotions get the better of him in an environment that was overflowing with them. Renjun wanted nothing more than to be able to enjoy the experience, for it to be a day he’d look back on and only have good memories of… but truthfully, he feared the only thing he would remember is how sick he felt from nerves. 

It hadn't been easy getting to where he was now.

  
  


🌻

28 Weeks Earlier

A bad storm had been tearing through the streets all day, so it was no surprise that when Renjun finally found enough courage to stand outside his parents front door, he was wet to the bone, school uniform sticking uncomfortably to his skin and shaking from the cold that seemed to have wrapped around every part of him. He’d been walking around the streets for hours in a desperate attempt to put off what he knew was coming. The inevitable. His phone had eventually died and he knew when he finally charged it back up, it would remind him of all the calls he had silenced and all of the messages he’d left unread out of fear. All of the demands he returned home immediately that he had so defiantly ignored. He didn’t want to be there, in fact he didn’t want to be even remotely near there. Most of all, he didn’t want to face his parents and see the disappointment he knew would be carved into their every feature, to hear it in their every word.. He could hear the old clock, whose time was always a few minutes off the correct one, on the other side of the door, like a sick countdown to the beginning of the end. His parents were mad and Renjun was scared. But the clock kept ticking, reminding him that time wouldn't stop just because he so desperately wanted it to.

His finger hovered in front of the keypad, his lungs burned for the breath he was holding, his body kept shaking. He was running out of time.

He found them sitting at the dinner table, opposite each other. His mother was facing the doorway therefore it was her who noticed him hesitating in the entrance first. Her face, which was usually kind and soft, had tears clinging to her cheeks and her hands were shaking against her teacup. Renjun was frozen, not knowing what to say or where to go. The childish part of him wanted to bolt for his bedroom and hide under his duvet. The mature part of him, no matter how small it was, knew he couldn't keep running away from the truth. 

His mother's hands were suddenly on him, touching his cheek in what should have been a loving way but he involuntarily flinched backwards, leaving her hands left hanging in the air between them. The hurt on her face was hard to swallow, but so was the hardened look in her eyes as they gazed over at him. Renjun bit down hard on his lip, too afraid to say anything. At the table, his father had still not turned to face him, instead he seemed to stare ahead at nothing, almost as if Renjun hadn’t finally made an appearance in the apartment. Renjun knew that out of both his parents, it was his father he had to be most careful around. His father was kind and understanding but strict, and the air right now was thick with tension from the news they had found out, from the realisation of just how capable Renjun truly was at messing up. Renjun had never been more afraid to know what his father was currently thinking, as he continued to stay silent. 

“Go. Get changed and then we need to have this talk.” Her voice despite being mild, left no room for argument so he obliged, slipping off to his bedroom without a word. 

Regardless of the new and warm clothes, Renjun’s hands still shook where he’d hidden them in his pocket. The clothes he put on were two sizes too big but he felt hidden and protected, a small comfort as he steeled his nerves so he could face his parents disappointment. When he returned to the other room, his parents had joined each other on one side of the table, a third cup of tea now placed in front of the seat his mother had previously occupied, steam curling up into the air. He moved slowly, slippers shuffling across the floor. With his head kept low he sat, unable to meet their eyes. It was quiet for an uncomfortable moment, just long enough for the weight of the situation to really settle over them all. The peace was broken as his father finally acknowledged his arrival.

“Is it true?” Renjun’s father had an authoritative voice despite being pretty mild tempered in nature. Years of owning a business he’d say, wrapped up in the way he spoke. Ordinarily it didn’t affect Renjun, too used to hearing it all the time, but right now he cowered from the sound. From his father. 

“I’m sorry.” His voice came out broken and pathetic, barely more than a whisper. He could just see his father's fingers tighten around his own drink on the edge of his vision. Renjun had never felt so small. 

“I don’t think you owe that apology to us.”

“What were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all?”

Suddenly his parents were talking over each other, cutting each other off until it all just became noise in Renjun’s head. He tried to keep up, tried to stay calm and hold back but his eyes were quickly blurring as he finally heard everything he had tried running from all day.

“You’re still a child Renjun, how could you possibly-”

“Who do you think is going to have to-”

“Don’t even get me started on how badly this will affect your education, have you even thought-”

“That poor girl is never going to live this down-”

His pleas for them to stop, his desperate apologies, the tears that clung to his jaw, all went unnoticed as his parents continued on. By this point, he found it impossible trying to keep up with everything his parents threw at him, barely able to breathe through his sobbing. The volume of their voices grew as they spoke over one another, as if fighting among themselves. He wanted them to stop.

“Do you even understand how serious this all is, how much of our trust has been broken? Really Renjun-”

“Obviously we expected too much from you. We’ll have to discuss new rules on what you’re allowed to do.”

“You shouldn't have been at that party in the first place, and to find out a girl is nine weeks _pregnant_ with your child? It’s unbelievable how irresponsible you’ve been!” 

“Honestly Renjun! What were you thinking?”

“PLEASE! Please stop! I know,” He was shouting and it brought his parents to an abrupt stop. Renjun never raised his voice at his parents, never had reason to. He finally looked up and met his mother's eyes, pleading with her to see that he needed them to give him a chance to speak, to listen to him. “I know I screwed up, I know, but please stop. _Please_.”

“You’re going to have to take responsibility.” 

His eyes shot to his father; he must have heard him wrong because there was no way they could expect him to… he was fifteen. Like they’d said, he was still basically a child himself. They couldn’t possibly mean… “How, how can I- What do you mean?” 

“You’ll raise that child yourself.”

“I can’t! Are you insane? HOW can you expect me to do that?” Renjun’s voice was strained, his throat burning from the amount he’d cried and he had to resist the urge to cough after his small outburst.

“Renjun,” His mother drew his attention back to her with her softer voice and kinder face, “You got yourself into this situation. It is only right that you take responsibility and raise the child.”

His eyes flicked between his mother's sad gaze and his father's stern frown. They couldn't decide this for him surely. This was asking him to give up everything… but when he voiced as much, he was shot down. They had decided.

“It's not up for argument Renjun.” 

They had told him to leave after that and he’d rushed from the room, rubbing his cheeks red raw, trying to hide the evidence of how frightened he had been. How frightened he was. Collapsing onto his bed in the dark, he bit down on his lip trying to muffle the sounds of the wretched sobs that shook him once more. They’d decided something so big for him prior to even talking to him, something he was wholly unprepared for. 

Never for a moment would he have expected himself to be in this situation. He had top grades, he worked part time at his parents’ restaurant, he had always been the ideal son. So why wouldn't they listen to him? Why was it when he made _one_ mistake they had acted as if he didn't deserve to have a voice of his own? He felt like he’d had something stolen from him and he had he supposed… his youth. He’d lost his youth and his freedom. 

🌻

The following days were painful to say the least. Renjun barely spoke to his parents and it felt like whenever he walked into a room his father promptly stood and left it, no matter what he had been doing. Dinners together were awkward, his mother trying to fill the empty quiet with words that neither he nor his father acknowledged. Renjun felt like he was just drifting through the hours; he didn't have anything to say to his parents, neither did he want to sit and pretend like he did, so he found himself locked up in his bedroom more and more. Eventually his father stopped coming home from work to spend the evenings with his family altogether, leaving only Renjun to ignore his mother's attempts to play happy family. 

Perhaps he should feel guilty for being so cold towards her. Perhaps he should try to understand why they had done what they did. But when he walked the hallways of his school, wearing a fake smile to try to make it seem like he hadn’t just got this bomb of information that would inevitably explode and change everything… he couldn't help but feel angry. Perhaps if they had given him a choice he’d be able to look his mother in the face, or greet his father in the mornings when their paths crossed, but he couldn’t. Instead he kept his eyes low and mouth shut, letting it silently eat away at him.

For now, on the outside, things seemed normal to everyone else. But he knew once people started to find out, things would change. He’d go from your typical fifteen year old to ‘the one who got the girl pregnant.’ Speaking of that girl, Renjun felt sick every time he saw her in the hallways. They never spoke and if you didn't know what had happened between them, you would believe they didn't even know each other. But of course they’d become acquainted with the most intimate parts of each other for just one night. The taste of liquor on their tongues and heavy on their minds, a combination that had proved fatal for Renjun’s freedom. He hated her. He had never been fond of her in the first place, but knowing she had got away with just walking away from all of this at the end made his skin hot with rage. Why should she get to live her life like it had never happened, like he had never happened, while Renjun didn't. How was it fair?

Would Renjun even be able to love that baby? Would he even try to? These thoughts kept him awake at night and rattled around his brain when he sat in class pretending to be okay. Shouldn't it be an instant connection? A bond of some sort when he found out there was a child that was half him being born into the world. When he looked at the mother, if he should even call her that, he felt nothing but coldness. Not even when he thought about the child growing inside of her, the child he would raise. He wondered if she would even care for it while it grew inside of her, if she could even muster up that much compassion for a child she had already rejected.

Maybe he was no better than her if he had to question these things himself. 

It was a hard pill to swallow. It was a countdown over his head. He was just waiting for the moment everything exploded and he would have to face the truth about himself.

🌻

  
  


“You need to make a decision Renjun.”

They were looking at prams now; his mother had led him around the store to show him the things he would need but to him, it was all just things that he had no idea how to use or things he could never afford. Lined up in front of him were pushchairs of different colours and boasting of different features. Lightweight, travel systems, rear facing, forward facing, locked steering. Some were labelled pushchairs, some were called prams… how was he supposed to know what was best? 

He ran his hand across the handle of a sleek looking black one in front of him. It had orange padding and little stars on the cover and while it was pretty, he didn't know if it was any better than the red one next to it. It was more expensive than the other one so surely that meant it had to be better right? But the other one boasted about swivel steering so maybe that was the better choice. He felt stupid standing there in his hoodie and ripped jeans blindly staring at different prams and not knowing what any of it meant when beside them a smarly dressed couple picked one out with ease. 

“That one is a good choice,” an overly smiley shop assistant stopped at his side, hand outstretched towards the pram his fingers still lingered on but her face was turned towards his mother as she spoke. “It comes as part of a travel system so the car seat and reversible pushchair seat come with it. Do you have anything specific you were looking for?” Still she spoke to his mother, eyes not even glancing in his direction. He dug his nails into the palm of his other hand tucked deep inside his pocket. 

“Is it lightweight?” His mother asked for him.

“It is, it's one of our lightest in stock. It collapses down easily too, just a push of a button.” The assistant replied back to her.

“What do you think, do you like it?” Finally a question directed towards him. He watched as the store assistant turned to him, barely concealed surprise on her face, her smile wavering under a layer of lipstick. It had smudged onto her top teeth. 

“No.” 

Behind him his mother sighed, the store assistant’s eyes darting between them. “Renjun it’s a good pram and will last multiple stages of growth. Why don’t you like it?”

He pulled his hand back from the handle, shoving it back inside his hoodie as he turned away from the pram, from the pair of women watching him with exasperated expressions. “I just don’t.”

He walked away without another word. Without looking at another item, he weaved his way out into the busy shopping mall without looking back once. He heard his mother call his name from over his shoulder but he pushed his way into the crowd, ignoring the bitter taste in his mouth.

Two weeks later he returned from school to the same black and orange pram sitting in the front room. He turned away from it and spent the rest of the evening pretending it didn't exist.

  
  


🌻

  
  


Renjun was sitting in the library when he first heard the hushed conversations around him. Trying to focus on his maths work, he tried ignoring how they seemed to grow louder by the minute. He couldn't miss the way his name seemed to be thrown around the room. He had come alone but suddenly one of his friends dropped down into the seat opposite him, leaning forward across the table on his elbows until his face almost hovered above Renjun’s math book. 

“Did you really knock her up?” 

Renjun’s head whipped up at breakneck speed, eyes wide and lips parted. Silence broke across the library as multiple heads turned to them, awaiting his answer. It seemed his countdown had reached zero.

“W-what?” He swallowed thickly around the way his voice had stuttered. His friend's smile grew Cheshire like.

“I heard you knocked up Yilin and that's why she’s not coming to class anymore.” 

“Heard from who?” Renjun’s palms were sweating, his eyes glancing around the room. It seemed like everyone at the surrounding tables, even the librarian who hovered at the entrance to an aisle, was listening in on their interaction. He felt like a prized animal on display at a zoo.

“Everyone’s talking about it. You slept with her at that party didn't you? That has to mean it was you.”

“Why does that…” the whispers picked up slightly around them as his friend gave away even more information. Renjun was already shoving his work into his bag, wanting to escape the room.

“Plus my sister saw you in that baby store. You know, the one in the mall? I thought maybe your parents were having another kid or something, but then today everyone was-”

“Can you please shut up.”

The other students weren't even trying to be discreet anymore.

“Are you keeping it? OMG are you two dating now or something?” 

His friend was almost half out of his seat, face far too close to Renjun’s for his liking. Renjun’s hands shook where they gripped onto his bag like a lifeline. “What… No. We don't even know each other.”

“That's cold, when she’s having your kid.” 

“It’s not like that.”

“But it's yours isn't it? Or are you… you know, gonna pretend it doesn't exist?”

“What the fuck?” He couldn't help but curse. Is this really what everyone had been speaking about him like behind his back? “No.”

“No, it isn't your kid?”

“No… I mean, yes, but no I’m not going to… I don’t see why this is anyone's business?”

“I thought we were friends, don’t friends share this kind of stuff? Instead I heard it from a kid in class, who heard it from his friend in the year below, who heard it from-”

“Okay I get it. Can you just stop, I don’t want to talk about it alright.”

His friend stood, throwing his bag over his shoulder, his grin so wide it looked like it hurt his cheeks. He looked down his nose at Renjun one last time, where he sat still clutching his bag to his chest. “Alright, whatever you say. Good luck playing daddy or whatever.” 

Renjun sat shocked as the voices around him grew alive again at the confirmation that the gossip had been true. He bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood on his tongue, too afraid to try to speak up for himself again.

After that,the whispers followed him everywhere he went. In the classrooms, in the toilets, at the bus stop, even at his parents’ restaurant when he worked. He couldn’t escape them no matter where he ran off to. It seemed after the first day the news had spread like wildfire through the town. The two teenagers who were having a baby. The boy who got a girl pregnant at a party. The one who had thrown away his future. 

His parents tried to be a little kinder as more and more people around them grew meaner. A few regular customers even went as far as stopping coming in to eat at their restaurant. A few of Renjun’s friends stayed by his side, but many stopped talking to him altogether. The rumours grew more out of control, some even becoming glaringly incorrect but Renjun didn’t have the fight in him to correct them. Instead, he hung out with his friends by the river less, greeted less customers and spent less time studying at school. His sixteenth birthday passed with barely a mention, only really serving as a glaring reminder of just how young Renjun still was.

His grades began to fall from top of the class to somewhere in the lower half. His parents tried scolding him but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. What was the point in trying when everyone was already telling him he had no future. He thought babies were meant to be a happy thing, something to celebrate. So why was his child more like a nightmare he couldn't escape, no matter how little sleep he got at night?

  
  


🌻

Renjun wasn’t invited to the scan that revealed the baby's gender. Instead he received a creased envelope from his mother one evening with his name scribbled on the front. He’d not been going to school for a few weeks and his parents had given up trying to get him to go in. There had been shouting and tears once they found out that he left home in the mornings only to go sit at the abandoned warehouses across town all day. His grades were non-existent at this point. 

When his mother dropped the envelope onto the sofa next to him he eyed it curiously. No words were exchanged between the pair before she left the room. He opened it skeptically, not knowing what was inside, but as he slipped the thin paper out and turned it around his heart leaped to his throat. It was a single scan photo with a sticky note attached to it. The message written on it consisted of only three words but it was all he needed to know.

He peeled it away and stared at the photo of his son. In it, his tiny hand was outstretched, the technician had caught the moment perfectly. Renjun could count every single one of his fingers. He ran his thumb across the slope of his son’s nose, followed where his legs were bent upwards, along the outline of his spine. The photo was dated, it had been taken three days prior at 2pm. 20 weeks + three days. 

It was the first time Renjun had seen the baby and he felt his throat constrict as he stared at him. It dawned on him how small he was, how none of this… none of what was happening to Renjun was his fault. Guilt for his hatred and anger bloomed in his chest and before he could stop himself he was crying. Alarmed at the sound, his mother came rushing into the room, pulling him against her chest as he repeated one phrase over and over again. I’m sorry.

When his father finally returned home Renjun was still sitting curled up into himself on the sofa, his eyes straying to the photo that lay on the table every few moments. He watched as his father bent and picked it up, examining the note and the photo with tired eyes. Renjun felt shame that he hadn’t noticed the bags under them earlier.

“A grandson sounds good.”

🌻

Things didn't get better outside of their home but were slowly mended within it. Renjun spoke more with his dad, who came home earlier with each passing day. They still argued about him going to school even though they all knew Renjun had no intention of returning, so instead his parents suggested they look at other options and eventually enrolled him into online classes. The scan photo had been framed and placed next to his bed, a photocopy hung on the wall in the living room. There were still plenty of things that needed to be resolved but now the air was less heavy between them all. Finally, Renjun could look at the pram that had sat in the corner of the dining room since its first night here with something other than resentment. Now, he looked at it and imagined how small his son would appear sleeping in it.

His son. 

It still seemed crazy and unreal at times, but no longer like a nightmare he couldn't shake. 

His friends from school barely spoke to him, but he’d befriended a boy who worked part time on the weekends at the restaurant. Chenle was all smiles and loud laughter and when he’d heard about Renjun’s situation he smiled and asked all the right questions, even if Renjun hadn’t been able to answer many of them. Chenle had even started visiting him at home, helping him with school work he’d missed out on despite being a year younger. Some days he’d throw out random baby names into the room, catching Renjun off guard the first few times but slowly Renjun grew used to it and began looking for one with his new friend. 

Renjun never said it outloud but he was thankful for Chenle’s unwavering acceptance and support. He’d begun to feel more like himself than he had since the first night everything seemed to start falling apart. It gave him hope that he could do this after all… now that someone had shown they believed in him.

🌻

  
  


Chenle burst into the waiting room, out of breath and hair sticking to his forehead with sweat. The other occupants startled at the sudden intrusion of peace but turned back to their quiet conversations as Chenle weaved his way over to where Renjun sat in the corner. 

“I didn’t miss him, did I?”

“No, thanks for coming though.”

Chenle laughed out an ‘It’s okay’ as he settled in the chair next to him. Renjun had texted him barely 45 minutes ago begging him to come to the hospital so he wasn’t alone. He must have left as soon as he got Renjun’s message to arrive so quickly, and given his appearance, ran from the bus stop all the way to the hospital. 

The room felt less lonely with his friend there and Renjun felt himself relax, even if only by a tiny amount. Chenle flinched at the first few screams that echoed down the hallways, grimacing openly. It wasn't easy to be reminded of how much pain the ward held behind its happy facade.

“I can’t believe he’s early. How many more weeks were there supposed to be, four?”

“Three. He’s three weeks early.”

It was true that Yilin had gone into labor three weeks early, barely two months from when Renjun had received the scan photo. She hadn’t spoken to him but had agreed he could come to the hospital when the baby was born. Once he was out she would have nothing more to do with him. Chenle had begun referring to her as ‘the delivery woman’ instead of by her name and Renjun had to admit he preferred it, it suited her. Her mother had rung his phone at 11am that morning to inform him, and he’d arrived at the hospital at 12:43pm exactly. He hadn’t seen either of the two females in the six hours since he’d arrived. 

Nearly two more hours passed and three families left the room before a nurse found the pair leaning over Chenle’s phone together. Chenle had suggested they watch a movie to try to ease some of Renjun’s nerves but part of Renjun suspected his friend also wanted to drown out some of the noise of childbirth from their ears. At first neither of them acknowledged the approaching nurse,but when her feet stopped in front of them they both looked up. 

“Huang Renjun?”

Renjun nodded, waiting for what she was about to say with baited breath. Chenle’s hand wrapped around his in a tight squeeze, a silent reminder that whatever came next, Renjun wasn’t alone. 

“Would you like to come meet your son?”

🌻

Renjun was led alone to an empty room and told to wait there for a moment. At first he sat down in the lone seat pushed against the white walls and then he stood and began walking back and forth, hands fidgeting against his stomach. Before he left the waiting room, he’d looked over his shoulder one last time; Chenle had given him two thumbs up and mouthed ‘good luck’ to him, but now that he was alone again he felt nervous. His mouth was dry and his steps were unsteady as his legs shook beneath him, he couldn't hide the nerves that wrapped around every part of him.

The nurse returned no more than ten minutes later. In her hands she pushed a small plastic crib, and there lay a baby so impossibly small Renjun could hardly believe he was real. She led him back over to the chair, guiding him with soft hands so his arms were ready, before placing the baby, his baby, gently into them. He felt clumsy as he took him but she said nothing about it, showing him where to position his hands. 

“Does he have a name?” 

“Taiyang, his name is Taiyang.” Renjun stumbled over it, voice catching at the end as he stared watery eyed at his son. He had Renjun’s lips and a cute little button nose. Soft tufts of black hair poked out from under the blue hat that had been placed on his head, little ears folded over at the top from where it sat. 

“But we call him Sunny.”

“Huang Taiyang. Sunny, I like it.” He grinned at the nurse as she repeated the name back to him.

It had been a name he had found a few weeks before and he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it afterward,but it was Chenle who had nicknamed him Sunny one day at work, after it dawned on them that Renjun had effectively decided to name his child ‘Yellow Sun’. Renjun loved both names and decided to keep them both. His own personal little Sun he called him.

Before leaving, the nurse helped him change Sunny into a little grey and yellow sleepsuit he’d packed inside his backpack and showed him how to change a diaper. His cheeks felt warm as she explained which way they went and how tightly he should fasten it. During the process she explained that the clipped umbilical cord that remained stuck to his baby's stomach would have to be gently cleaned while he waited for it to fall off and showed him how to fold the diaper so it wouldn't rub against it. Renjun tried to hold back the fact it was mildly disgusting looking as he listened, but he was sure she could probably tell from the way she laughed after glancing at him to check he understood. 

Soon after making sure Renjun felt comfortable, she left him alone to ‘bond’ with his baby. He didn't really understand how he was meant to do that, but he sat down on the floor, cradling the still sleeping infant against his chest and just watched him sleep. He felt strangely calm now that he had him in his arms, despite the whirlwind of emotions he’d gone through in the past 28 weeks. Now that he was here and Renjun was looking at him, nothing else outside of the four walls around them seemed to matter. 

He thought babies were meant to cry but Sunny stayed quiet as the hands on the clock above them slowly turned. Renjun didn’t put him down once, nor did he dare move. Instead he sat and watched Sunny's little chest rise and fall with each breath he took. Chenle came in a short while later, followed by the same nurse as before who carried a bottle in her hands. She briefly explained to the pair how to best hold the bottle but quickly left them alone again. Chenle joined them on the floor, stroking his finger across the back of Sunnys’ hand while Renjun fumbled with the lid of the bottle. They watched in unison as little lips pouted when Renjun brushed the tip of the bottle against them before opening up in search for it.

As Sunny began suckling and Renjun stared in awe at how he knew exactly what to do, Chenle sat back against his hands, “He’s cuter than I thought he would be.”

Renjun laughed, startling the baby below him as little hands flung outwards and knocked the bottle from his lips. Before he could cry, Renjun hurried to place the teat back into his mouth and apologised quietly before turning to look at his friend. 

“Are you saying you thought he’d be ugly?”

“Well….” Chenle drew out before slyly smiling “he is your child after all.”

“Hey!” They both laughed, quieter this time so as not to interrupt the feeding again before slowly settling back down. A few seconds of silence passed before Renjun spoke up again, voice soft with affection, “I can’t believe he’s real, that he’s really here. I thought I’d be more indifferent? Kind of? But now that I’m holding him I don’t want to let him go.” 

It was true; despite the growing affection he’d felt after the scan, Renjun had still worried he might not feel so strongly for the baby when he was born. Even after he’d chosen the name and had ordered the rest of the things he would need, he had still thought that perhaps because of everything from before, he might feel less warmly towards Sunny. But as soon as he had taken him into his arms and felt the warmth radiating from his tiny body, he hadn't wanted to let go. He couldn't take his eyes off him, amazed by every little detail on his face. It seemed impossible that he could love something so small and new to him so greatly but not a single part of him wanted to let him go. 

When Renjun’s mum arrived some while later, he had at least moved from the floor to sitting on the small sofa. As the door opened, he looked up expecting it to be a nurse or maybe even Chenle rushing back to say he had forgotten something. Chenle had reluctantly left a mere ten minutes earlier, apologising about having to leave Renjun alone again so he’d be able to make it home before it was too late. Truthfully Renjun was grateful for the new company, he wouldn’t admit it outloud but he was slightly terrified to be left alone with Sunny for too long, just in case he did something wrong. 

She slowly approached him with her hands clasped against her chest, eyes focused on the sleeping newborn placed directly in the center of the bed (far away from the risk of falling from it.) Renjun fidgeted, unsure of why he felt so nervous about the situation, Sunny was beautiful. There wasn't any reason for her to not like him.

There was a heavy moment when she joined them on the bed, where nothing was said as her eyes roamed over Sunny. Renjun wished he knew what she was thinking, seeing her son, barely out of his childhood years, sitting with a child of his own. Adults always said teenagers were reckless but this… this whole situation was more than just being reckless. This was something none of them had expected. It was one thing to talk about him having a child but when said baby was right there, in front of them, it was hard to act like this was normal. Even if it now had to be.

“He-” His mum began as she gently took ahold of Renjun's trembling hand, “-is beautiful, Jun. He looks healthy too, god look at all the hair he has!” 

Renjun let out a shaky laugh, running his free hand through his own hair. He’d heard multiple comments about how shockingly full Sunny's head of hair was. Soft black strands covered his scalp already, forming into a little curl at the base of his skull.

“Have they said anything about complications?” 

“No… they did some blood tests a while ago and checked how much he’d fed, but I haven’t been told anything about the birth.” As he spoke, Renjun pressed a finger to the bandaid on Sunny's foot from where they’d pricked him with a needle, remembering the way he’d winced at the sight of blood coming from his baby, even if it was only a drop. “They said we could probably go home tomorrow morning. I’m allowed to stay here overnight even though it’s normally only… the birth mothers who can, but… well you know.” 

“Well that's good news then!” Renjun's mum turned to him, taking in his disheveled appearance from hours of nervously sitting in the hospital, “Have you eaten yet today?” 

“Uuuuh… no.”

When his mother sighed out his name, he expected to be lectured for not looking after himself better, but to his surprise she simply began pulling out tupperware of food from her handbag.

As Renjun hurriedly dug into the food she had laid out for him, his mum carefully picked Sunny up and swayed around the room. She paid little attention to Renjun held the sleeping baby close to her, singing soft lullabies to Sunny in a hushed voice. Renjun swallowed thickly around his food as he took in the obvious absence of his Father. It stung a little that only his mum had come to the hospital, and even though he wanted to give his dad the benefit of the doubt and believe he was just too busy working to come, it would have been nice had he made the effort to come meet his first and only grandchild. Despite how he felt though, his initial nerves at his mum's arrival had finally calmed, and he didn’t want to ruin the peaceful mood that had fallen over the room by bringing up the topic to his mum, so he stayed quiet. Renjun wondered whether or not it’d ever be brought up at a later date, maybe when he was feeling out of control of his emotions, but for now he just tried to ignore the ache it left in his chest.

After Renjun had finished eating and his stomach no longer ached from hunger, his mum suggested they give Sunny a small sponge bath using the room's sink. Renjun had given Sunny a wipe down as best as he could earlier but he welcomed the idea of getting the remaining dried evidence of birth off Sunny. He’d been trying not to touch any of it the whole time. Renjun’s mum took the lead and Renjun stood beside her, watching attentively as she slowly peeled off Sunny's sleepsuit with quick fingers, getting the job done at least twice as quickly as it had taken Renjun to do earlier that night. The task of holding Sunny was given to Renjun with his mum's help to get Sunny secure in his arms again, correcting the positioning of his hands slightly before she led him over to the sink. They didn’t have any proper body wash or a wash cloth so they had to make do with just hand soap and a spare burping cloth that Renjun had thankfully packed into his backpack. Sunny squirmed in Renjun's hold when his mum began wiping him down with warm water, but thankfully other than a few whines low in his throat, he otherwise stayed quiet. Renjuns mum was careful as she wiped away any marks on Sunny's face, making sure the muslin wasn’t too saturated to prevent soap from running into Sunny's eyes. The process itself turned out to be fairly simple, but Renjun still paid close attention to each of her instructions, wanting to make sure he knew everything he needed to when it finally came to bathing Sunny by himself… a task he certainly didn’t feel like he could do confidently at the moment, even if it was something so simple. 

Eventually a nurse came into the room to kindly ask that Renjun's mum begin to leave, visiting hours well over. She was allowed to stay long enough to finish feeding Sunny his latest bottle, after she had begged Renjun to allow her the opportunity to feed him when the time had come. Saying goodbye when the feed was over was difficult though, because Renjun knew that was it for the night, that he’d really be left alone to look after Sunny. Of course the ward was filled with nurses and midwives, filled with expertise on babies, but he felt foolish just thinking about having to ask them for help. After he watched the door close behind his mum, Renjun settled himself down on to the bed, Sunny swaddled up in the small crib directly next to him so that even from his position lying down, Renjun could easily watch Sunny through the clear plastic sides. 

  
  


🌻

They went home later than expected the next day at 2pm, after all the paperwork had been filled out to certify that Renjun would be the one leaving with Sunny. Chenle had returned with Renjun’s mum to bring them home and although he sat upfront in the car, he kept twisting around the seat to watch Sunny where he slept all tucked in under a fluffy blanket Renjun’s mum had covered him with. 

When they arrived home Renjun was reluctant to leave Sunny to even shower, but after his mum mentioned for the fourth time that he hadn’t done so in over a day and a half he relented, leaving her to watch over Sunny for him. He rushed through the motions of stripping off his clothes and stepping under the warm stream of water but once he was under it he felt his body sag from exhaustion. He’d barely slept through the night at the hospital, too afraid to sleep in case Sunny had needed him even though the newborn had slept through peacefully, barely even waking up to feed. Renjun dropped his head down to rest against the cool tiles and closed his eyes, the last 19 hours of little rest and whirlwind emotions catching up to him. 

Renjun didn't know how long he stayed like that, eyes closed and letting the water warm his body, but eventually he peeled himself away from the wall and sluggishly washed himself. He felt heavier when he stepped back out with his eyes barely open and he dressed on muscle memory alone. When he returned to the living room he found his father sitting there feeding Sunny quietly; it was the first time they’d seen each other since he’d left for work the morning before. 

Renjun sat next to him, asking quietly if his dad wanted him to take Sunny, but when he shook his head no Renjun sat back against the cushions and let his eyes slip closed again. Listening to the sounds around him he stayed between awake and asleep, not quite falling asleep but too tired to react to anything around him. He heard as his dad winded Sunny, listened to Chenle say he had to leave, and felt more than heard as Chenle stopped behind Renjun’s back to say goodbye to Sunny and left the family for some time alone. For a while the only sounds heard were the tv playing quietly in the room and his mother cooking in the kitchen before conversation picked back up beside him. He wasn’t awake enough to really catch the majority of it but the words ‘proud’ and his own name in his father's deep voice floated through his sleepy haze.

Unsurprisingly Renjun succumbed to sleep and when he woke again it had gotten dark outside. His father was no longer beside him; instead he was alone in the room but he could hear his parents talking in the kitchen. It took him a moment to realise Sunny was also gone so he rose, stretching out the residual sleep from his bones before following the sound of voices. His eyes found his parents first, sharing cups of warm tea together before finding Sunny snuggled in his carry cot on the counter beside them. Quietly he peeked into it and saw that Sunny was once again peacefully sleeping, changed into a blue vest and clean diaper. Climbing up onto the counter he gratefully took a drink from his mum, feeling only a fraction more awake than he had before he’d fallen asleep. 

Renjun still felt dazed about everything that had happened in the last day, like it hadn’t yet really sunk in properly that he was really sitting here next to a child that he was responsible for. It didn't matter how alike Sunny looked to him, it still sounded ridiculous that he was now a parent. He wished he’d read some of the parenting books his mum had brought home for him or even just searched the basics online because now that Sunny was here he felt wholly unprepared. They didn’t teach you how to be a sixteen year old single parent at school and he’d foolishly refused to even acknowledge his own unpreparedness. Nobody warned him of the absolute ups and down of all the emotions he would feel. The fear that he wouldn’t be capable, or the joy and love that filled him when he’d first laid eyes on Sunny. He hadn’t expected the rush of protectiveness he had felt or the need to keep Sunny close. It was all so much, too much, when he still felt so mentally drained. 

His parents were oblivious to how his heart raced, falling back into hushed conversation once he had joined them and he couldn’t decide whether or not he should voice his worries, because what if they didn’t think he could do this alone? He doubted he would be able to move past that. He knew he had to be strong now that he had this responsibility on his shoulders and perhaps he would have to just suck it up. In his hands his drink had turned cold, abandoned as he’d been lost in his thoughts. 

🌻

Where Sunny had not cried on the first night he made up for it the next. It was 3am and Renjun was desperately trying to get him to calm down while they waited for a bottle to warm up before either of his parents woke up. Sunny had cried himself into a fit, little fists flailing about as he wailed into the night. His face was red and everytime Renjun tried to place a pacifier between his lips it was spat straight back out in a gurgled sob. Renjun was bouncing the hysterical infant as he paced back and forth in the kitchen, clutching Sunny to his chest in fear he would drop him each time his small legs kicked out. The water on the stove was finally reaching a boil and he sighed at how long the whole process was taking. If he had a free hand he would probably be tearing his hair out by this point. 

Thanks to the deafening screaming Renjun missed the sound of a bedroom door opening and closing down the hallway, only becoming aware of his mother having woken up when she appeared in the kitchen door with a tired smile. 

“You need help baby?” Renjun spun on the spot so he was facing her, Sunny's cries still increasing in volume. She didn’t wait for a response, already making her way over to the stove and pulling the pan off the heat. Renjun resumed his bouncing/pacing routine, slipping the pacifier's ring back around his index finger once more trying to get Sunny to take it. 

“Mum-” the pacifier was spat out and he felt it brush against his fingertips as he missed catching it “- Fuck! Mum he won't keep it in his mouth.” He didn’t even bother trying to bend down to pick it back up,kicking it out of the middle of the floor with his foot before grabbing another one from the pack he had sterilized with his mother's assistance before bed. 

“It will take him a little time for him to learn, he just wants one thing right now.” 

“Well it’s taking too long and I'm going deaf!” 

Renjun was getting more than just slightly desperate for the bottle making process to speed up, at least now his mum had taken over the responsibility of making the bottle but he wasn’t sure how much longer he should leave Sunny to cry, his breathing becoming unsettlingly ragged. “There’s no need to yell at me Renjun, I can only go as fast as the water cools.”

“Sorry, I’m tired and he’s all hot and won’t stop screaming.”

“He’s hot?”

“Yes-” he stopped pacing when she placed the back of her hand to Sunny’s cheek to check his temperature, “-should I be worried about that? He’s been quite warm for ages.”

“Take off his clothes, you need to-” she stepped away turning her attention back to the bottle “-keep an eye on his temperature because babies can’t regulate their own very well. He needs to be stripped.”

Renjun kneeled on the ground wincing as his skin met the cold tile, placing Sunny down in front of him to try to make quick work of taking off the sleepsuit he was wearing but he was too scared to really grip onto the fragile looking limbs so they kept slipping from his hands. He didn't know what was worse, the idea of hurting Sunny by accident or the thought of him getting dangerously hot. He struggled for a moment with Sunny’s arms, frightful of bending them too far back and his hands started to sweat.

He’d barely finished undressing Sunny when his mum placed the bottle down by his knee, the sound of his relieved sigh drowned out by Sunny’s crying. In one swift motion that shocked even him, Renjun scooped Sunny up with one arm and with the other grabbed the bottle, putting it to the newborn's lips before he had even stood. Only, Sunny turned his face away again and again leaving Renjun chasing after his mouth with the teat.

“Oh come on! You can’t tell me he doesn't want it!” each word was spat out in frustration and if Renjun was any more immature he’d probably have stamped his foot. 

“He just needs a little encouragement, rub it against his tongue,” her back was to him so she didn't see Renjun roll his eyes. What did she think he was doing, waving the bottle in front of Sunny?

To avoid arguing with her Renjun left the room, climbing over the car seat and a pack of diapers left in the middle of the living room floor before collapsing onto the sofa. Nearly 45 minutes had passed since he’d first been woken up and the nonstop loud crying was starting to wear away at his nerves. If Sunny didn't latch onto his bottle soon, Renjun thought he might start crying too. 

“Fuck, thank you!” The exclamation left his lips on instinct the moment Sunny finally realised that the object being pushed against his lips was what he was screaming over. As the apartment finally fell quiet again Renjun sat back and looked down at Sunny. His eyes were wide and watery and his cheeks were blotchy and red but he still looked beautiful. Renjun didn't know if Sunny really knew who he was but he hoped he could tell that Renjun was completely captivated by him… despite the past hour of his life.

It was a little over an hour later before Renjun was falling back into bed. He wondered if Yilin was finding it easy to sleep at night knowing she’d given up Sunny, or if the thoughts of him kept her awake. Knowing her it was probably the former. Looking at him now, Renjun didn’t understand how anyone could give Sunny up. Sure he was more exhausted after just one day of being a parent than he had ever been. Maybe he was entirely clueless and questioned pretty much everything he was doing. But as he sat and watched Sunny's eyes struggle to stay open and his lips form an adorable pout in sleep, Renjun felt an overwhelming rush of love. 

🌻

9 months later 

“Have you seen Sun?” 

Renjun had been looking for the sneaky nine month old for nearly fifteen minutes. He swore he’d left for just a moment but when he walked back into the living room it was empty. He checked all of Sunny’s usual hiding places and when he came up empty he moved onto checking the kitchen, the bathroom, and even his own bedroom, which he’d been in at the time of disappearance. So now he wandered into his parents bedroom, asking if they’d seen him. 

Which now became very apparent they had.

Because there he was, sitting between them both, his skin glowing from the mid morning light filtering through the blinds. 

“So you heard me calling for him but didn’t want to shout out that he was here?”

“Happy Birthday!” Renjun grinned when his parents yelled out in unison, completely ignoring his prior question. 

At 6am, Renjun had woken up on the morning of his 17th birthday to the sounds of Sunny babbling away in his crib. By 8am, Sunny had been happily ‘colouring’ and Renjun had been on the brink of falling back asleep. By 10am, and after multiple cups of coffee, he figured he should at least change out of the drool stained shirt he’d slept in. (Teething babies really knew how to spread their saliva on almost every surface they came into contact with.) 

Chenle had promised to come over later in the day after training some new employee for the opening shift at the restaurant, planning to take him out for lunch, because apparently Renjun wasn’t allowed to spend another birthday ‘pathetically’. Chenle’s words, not his, but he was grateful for his friend's attempt to make him enjoy the day considering how his previous birthday had passed. If it wasn't for Chenle, he probably would have spent the day at home with just Sunny for company. 

He tried staying in contact with a few friends after Sunny was born, those who hadn't immediately disassociated with him when the news of the pregnancy had spread, but even his contact with them had dwindled down to maybe an occasional text. Renjun had found out that at least three of his previous friends had had a direct hand in spreading the rumours about him. Apparently it hadn't mattered whether they were true or not, people had lapped it all up, and he ended up being the hottest gossip in their school for months. Now, whenever he’d bump into them and see the way they looked at him, he no longer gave them the satisfaction of trying to defend himself.

One of those incidents was just the week before, when he’d been on shift at his parents’ restaurant. A group of his ex-classmates came in, and despite being seated in Chenle’s section, Renjun had felt their eyes on him more times than he’d liked. That shift had been easy, a quiet Thursday, but the whole time they’d been there he was acutely aware of Sunny napping in his parents’ office. Renjun had to pass their table whenever he went to check on the small infant, eyes glued to his shoes as he weaved his way through the dining room. About midway through their meal, while Renjun had been serving food to a table across the room, a shrill cry had emitted from behind the door. Renjun had jerked up at the sound and began hurrying his actions as the crying continued, but before he could finish his table, Chenle had called across to him and disappeared, slipping into the office himself. Renjun was left alone on the restaurant floor but he listened carefully as Sunny quietened down back into sleep before Chenle rejoined him. Thankfully Sunny had slept through the rest of their visit but Chenle had told him later on that he’d overheard them talking about the pair a few times, the office seeming to be of high interest after Sunny had woken up mid nap. Renjun was just thankful they hadn't said anything directly to him. 

Right now, however, none of those people mattered because Renjun was grabbing Sunny around his little waist, pressing sloppy kisses all over his cheeks and neck and eliciting the most beautiful sounding laugh he’d ever heard.

“How was he last night?” 

His father had always slept through Sunny's crying during the night, somehow deaf to the ear piercing screams, but he and his mum shared a look. 

“Oh you know, the usual.” Renjun’s voice was flat and he kept his face neutral, but truthfully the endless nights of little sleep were hard.

His mum patted his cheek as she passed him, her smile a little sad as she looked at the bags under his eyes. “It’ll get easier sweetheart.”

Renjun’s mum hadn’t come into his bedroom last night but he had heard her get out of bed. Sometimes she came and gave him a small break late into the night and sometimes she left him to manage on his own. Last night wasn’t one of the worst ones he’d experienced in the last nine months, but losing sleeping hours still took its toll. Sometimes they were so painfully exhausting that he would end up crying alongside Sunny. Last night, thankfully, Sunny had settled down to mere whinging instead of full blown tears. Renjun had found himself awake longer than anyone would want but at least Sunny had been content to just lay beside him, teething ring firmly wedged in his mouth for the majority of the night. 

Renjun followed his mother out of the bedroom, calling out an apology for the mess he’d left the kitchen and living room in, before entering Sunny's bedroom. Although Sunny slept in Renjun’s room the majority of the time, they did convert what had served as his dad's office into a nursery before he was born. The room wasn't exactly the biggest and only a slither of floor space was left, but it was extremely useful having somewhere he could store all of Sunny’s clothes and toys so they didn't all have to live surrounded by them constantly. 

As soon as he put Sunny down on the carpeted floor, the infant crawled towards an obnoxiously large elephant toy Chenle had won at a fairground and began tugging on its ears with enough force that Renjun was sure it would tear one day. To get to the drawers he needed, Renjun had to step over Sunny and his quest to mutilate the poor toy, careful not to catch the top of the infant's head with his foot. It was warm out and he knew Sunny had a tendency to run a little hot, especially now that he was always on the move, so he grabbed a simple combination of dungaree shorts and a vest but made a mental note to grab a cardigan or jumper before they left the apartment. 

Sunny, as always, was reluctant to get dressed, continuously wriggling free of Renjun’s hands or kicking his legs out, all while laughing as his dad was left chasing them about each time he got a leg free. Ultimately it was Renjun who won, letting out a triumphant yell when he popped the last button closed over Sunny's shoulders. Sunny grinned up at him when he yelled, reaching his hands out towards Renjun’s face, so Renjun lowered himself down and let Sunny grab at his cheeks before dropping down and kissing the side of his gummy grin. Sunny squealed, accidentally kicking Renjun in the stomach in his excitement, before rolling over and wiggling himself out from under Renjun’s upper body. 

Renjun sat back on his heels and just watched Sunny play for a moment. He was ashamed to admit he often found himself too busy to really sit and play with Sunny, but for a moment he let himself just feel proud of making it this far. He watched Sunny pull himself up with the assistance of a toy box, trying to reach up and grab a stuffed bunny that was just a little out of his reach, his little face creased with determination. Renjun breathily laughed as little fingers brushed against the edge of the bunny's foot repeatedly before Sunny dropped back down onto his bum, lip jutting out in a pout. 

Because Sunny had seemed so determined, Renjun crawled over and plucked down the soft toy, handing it over to awaiting hands. Sunny sighed happily and laid down on his back, clutching the toy to his chest. Renjun sat beside him and ran his fingers through the soft wispy curls on top of Sunny's head, it was beginning to get to the length where he would need his first ever haircut. The amount of hair he had always amusedRenjun, and he often found himself playing with it. Now, from the sensation of having his hair played with and the very early start to his day, Sunny's eyes began struggling to stay open. Noticing the signs of an oncoming nap, Renjun began searching the room for one of the many pacifiers that were always lying around. 

It was a habit Renjun swore he wouldn't let Sunny have, but almost immediately he’d been made weak by the sounds of crying and had turned to the comfort of a pacifier. Sunny had quickly begun needing one whenever he slept, and no matter how many times Renjun tried to resist giving in to his baby's whines, he always found himself falling back on using them to calm Sunny down. However, right now he couldn't see one anywhere in the room and if Sunny really was going to nap, he’d start whining unless Renjun Found one quick.

Renjun picked him up, tucking his face against his neck and making sure he was both comfortable and secure before wandering back out into the apartment's main rooms. Sunny didn't stir in his hold as he moved around the living room, picking up pillows and bending to check under the table. He was just about to go grab a fresh one from the sterilizer in the kitchen, since he couldn't find the one Sunny had that morning, when his mum joined them. Stopping behind Renjun, he heard her coo at Sunny.

“Is he still falling asleep?” Renjun asked. He had tried to twist his head to glimpse at Sunny, but his face was tucked right into the nook of Renjun’s neck, too close for him to look down comfortably. 

“He’s already asleep.” Renjun didn’t believe her, turning so he could see her face. Her eyes were fixated on Sunny, looking at him with so much love. “He’s completely out.”

“He can’t be! He never sleeps that easily, especially not without a pacifier.” He wanted to see it for himself but the thought of potentially waking Sunny up led him to hold the infant a little closer to him instead, supporting his bum with his free hand.

“Well I guess between you and that very fluffy toy he couldn't help it. Why don't you go get a little more sleep too? I know he had you up for a while again last night baby.” 

The thought was tempting but he shook his head, “Don't wanna oversleep.” If Renjun slept through his and Chenle’s plans he’d never hear the end of it. Instead of giving into the temptations to fall back into bed, he settled down at his mother's side on the sofa, adjusting his position so he could relax while keeping Sunny pressed to his chest. 

Despite his efforts against his mother’s suggestion, Renjun felt his body grow heavy with tiredness. He wanted to stay awake but everything was becoming a little fuzzy around him, as it often did when sleep chased after him. It was a sensation he’d become used to ever since Sunny was born. Some days he’d manage to make it through, just energised enough to make it to the end of the day before his body would crumble against the nearest soft surface. Most days he’d feel himself slipping into the clutches of tiredness the moment everything settled around him. He’d lost countless hours of planned studying to impromptu naps. 

Before he could fall asleep he blinked his eyes until everything felt a little more focused, reluctantly slipping Sunny off him so he could stand. He made sure Sunny was away from the edge of the sofa and tucked his bunny against his chest, smiling softly as he wrapped a tiny fist arounds its ear, pulling it close to his lips and quietly making suckling noises against it. His mum glanced away from her show as Renjun stepped away, stretching his arms out in front of him and wincing as his shoulder audibly popped. 

He’d intended to quickly do maths work that he’d been neglecting for at least four days, but instead he found himself logging onto his gaming profile on his computer. Online usernames popped up at the side of his screen, many he recognised from his former school but he ignored them in favour of the specific one he was looking for. Spotting Chenle online, he sent a quick message and received an invite to a game almost immediately. There was another player with them that he didn't recognise, but not knowing the username was a good thing, since it usually meant they didn't know him either and therefore hadn't heard one of the many bullshit rumours about him. 

Renjun knew he was running out of time to continue playing, a shame really because whoever this other person was that Chenle had invited was incredibly skilled and Renjun was enjoying playing with him. But outside his partially closed bedroom door he could hear Sunny had woken up, which meant he’d more than likely soon be off in search of his dad, aka Renjun. When the sound of little hands slapping against hardwood floors grew in volume, Renjun glanced away from his screen just long enough for his character to take a fatal hit. Sighing, he pulled up the chat screen, typing out a quick message that he had to leave and reminded Chenle of the time they were meeting at before exiting off the site. 

🌻

  
  


If Renjun being late to lunch bothered Chenle, he didn't say anything, but Renjun also couldn't help but comment on the fact that when Chenle had said he would take him out for lunch, he didn’t think it meant Chenle would take him to his own parents’ restaurant, where they would probably get away with not paying. Chenle forgoed a reply in favour of pinching Sunny's cheeks as Renjun strapped him into the high chair that Chenle must have grabbed for them before their arrival.

Renjun sat down opposite his friend, rolling his eyes as Chenle let Sunny sip from his coke despite knowing full well that the infant wasn't allowed carbonated drinks. The restaurant was fairly busy, but that could be due to the fact that the only serving staff were a woman who always got distracted talking to the cooks and the new kid… if you could even call him a kid. He was very clumsily stacking dirty plates in his arms but Renjun couldn't believe the guy’s appearance. He looked like he’d tower over Renjun and despite looking quite young, he was perhaps one of the most handsome people Renjun had ever seen. 

“That’s Yukhei. He’s nice but I bet he’ll smash at least three more plates before the end of his shift.” Chenle was leaning across the table, mock whispering to Renjun who snorted at the comment.

“More doesn't sound very assuring for his employment status.”

“He’s a fast learner… just needs to learn that he can't carry every plate in the restaurant all at once.” 

They both laughed when another plate slipped from Yukhei’s hands and he fumbled to catch it just in time. Sunny joined the pair with a high pitched squeal despite not knowing what was happening, causing the teenagers to laugh even harder. A minute later Renjun sat back, still laughing under his breath and wiping away a tear that clung to his eyelashes. 

It didn't take long for the waitress to spot the trio at their table. She hurried her way over to take their order, and afterwards, paused to ruffle Sunny's hair before scurrying away to the kitchen. The perks of his parents being the owners of the establishment included quick table service… and unlimited refills for drinks. 

“So how are classes going?” 

“Don’t… I’m totally failing the exam I have next week.”

“You mean the one we spent two hours studying for the other day? You can't fail, I've invested too much time in helping you.”

Renjun would think Chenle was kidding… if it wasn't for the deadly serious look on his face. He looked towards Sunny and jutted his chin out. “If I fail, blame him. He’s the one keeping me awake at night.” 

Chenle threw a scrunched up napkin at him, hitting him directly on his cheek before leaning down to talk around his straw. “You can't blame him when we’ve put the hours in for you to study it.”

“Lack of sleep makes me stupid.”

“And ugly.” 

Chenle dodged the returned napkin Renjun threw back at him, cackling as Renjun slammed a fist down on the table. Before he could reach over the table and beat his friend to death over the insult, the waitress returned with his coke and Sunny’s apple juice. Renjun started to fill up Sunny’s bottle with the juice, and with his hands busy, Chenle felt safe enough to move closer to the table again, winking at the infant as he teased Renjun a little more. 

“It's old age isn't it Sun, it's not your fault is it? You’re too cute, are you sure you're his baby huh?” 

Renjun pushed Chenle away as he leaned in to blow a raspberry on Sunny’s arm, ignoring the indignant grunt from the younger. “He’s definitely mine.”

“Imagine if he wasn't.”

“That’s not fucking funny.”

“Yeah... you’re right, not funny.”

They dropped the topic pretty quickly, falling into a slightly awkward quietness. Sunny grew fussy at the lack of attention and sudden tension in the air, so Renjun grabbed a couple of the small toys he always had from the diaper bag that hung on the back of the pushchair, placing them down on the tray of the highchair for Sunny to choose from. Sunny’s fingers immediately latched onto a senses book that crinkled at his touch. Chenle turned to play with the infant while Renjun sat back in his seat and scanned the room, not really looking at anything in particular. 

Chenle had been joking but the thought had crossed Renjun’s mind before… what if Sunny wasn't his? It was mostly before he had been born, when there wasn't any concrete evidence to say Renjun was his dad other than the fact he had indeed slept with the female in question and that the dates lined up. It wasn’t very likely, but that's not to say he hadn't thought about the possibility the baby wasn't his and what that would mean for him, the freedom he wouldn't lose. When Sunny was about two months old, it had briefly crossed his mind again. It hadn't mattered that Sunny looked like Renjun when the thought had crept up on him late one night. What if he was going through everything, all of the late nights and crying fits, all the prejudice he’d faced, for a child that wasn't actually his? It wasn’t a pretty thought and he was immediately consumed with guilt as he looked at Sunny, innocent in everything but that wasn't to say the thought just went away. 

He’d let the idea eat away at him for a week before the guilt led him to bring it up to his parents over dinner. It had been awfully difficult to admit to them, especially when Sunny had been asleep in his carry cot right next to him, but thankfully they had taken it with a decent amount of grace, understanding his concern and need for confirmation so three days later they’d booked in for a dna test to ease his mind. The results had of course come back stating that Renjun was indeed the biological father of Sunny, but the confirmation hadn't helped to ease his guilt. And he carried it with him everyday, the knowledge that he had briefly thought about what he would have done, what he would be able to do, if Sunny wasn’t his. The guilt from how he had imagined a life without Sunny in it. 

🌻

Towards the end of their meal Sunny decided he wanted out of his highchair, struggling against the straps around his waist. Renjun weighed up his options; he could either try to finish his food as quickly as possible, or he could get Sunny out of the chair but then have to multitask eating with keeping him controlled. He almost went with option one because trying to keep Sunny's hands out of his food was always the less favourable option but suddenly the 9 month old had flipped his bottle off the tray, sending it rolling across the floor.

Chenle jumped up to grab it while Renjun turned to scold Sunny, but before either could complete either action, the bottle was placed back onto the highchair. Renjun looked up and saw it was Yukhei who had returned it. He gave him a curt nod, and the smile he got back was blinding. Renjun expected him to move on then and leave the trio alone again, already snapping open the straps when Chenle spoke up.

“This is Huang Renjun and Sunny.” Renjun didn’t know why that seemed to be of any importance right now, but when Yukhei began sputtering out a question it made sense. “Yes Huang as in our bosses, their son and grandson.” 

“Oh um, it’s very nice to meet you.” Yukhei’s voice was deep as he stumbled over his words with a misplaced sense of formality. Chenle snorted while Renjun simply tilted his head back to look up at the other boy.

“You too I guess?” He hadn't meant for it to sound like a question, and when Yukhei glanced over at Chenle who only shrugged, it was clear he didn't really know what to say to that response.

Instead of trying to save the moment, Renjun completed the task of dragging Sunny onto his lap, wincing when his knee caught on the tray as he was lifted up. Hopefully that wouldn't leave a mark. As soon as Sunny was secured on Renjun’s lap by an arm around his stomach, he dove forward towards the plate and tried to grab the nearest pieces of meat. Sometimes Renjun would indulge him and let him have some of the food, but with only four tiny teeth, he wasn't risking the choking hazard that came with foods that had to be chewed. 

When he realised Renjun wasn't going to give up any of his food, Sunny turned his attention to the spoon instead, delighting at the clanging sound it made when he grabbed it up and brought it back down harshly against the table top. Yukhei fidgeted on the spot before throwing out a quick goodbye and running off to somewhere less awkward for him. Renjun played oblivious to Chenle who was glaring directly at him, busying himself by shoveling food into his mouth like his life depended on it.

“You could be nicer.” 

Okay so maybe Chenle did have a point, Renjun didn't always come across as the nicest. God he hadn't even been welcoming to his friend when they’d first met, too closed off after everything that had happened with the last people he had called his friends. In his defence, that was a good reason to be a little standoffish with new people. 

With faux enthusiasm and a fake smile plastered on his face, Renjun replied, “Maybe next time!” 

But probably not. 

  
  


🌻

Renjun was ‘putting’ Sunny to bed and while it was taking a while, instead of being fussy and refusing to settle tonight the infant was happy to just lay in bed and play with a toy penguin that vibrated if you pulled a cord on its back. Renjun sat across the room, using the opportunity to go over the school notes he’d worked on with Chenle, and occasionally looked over the top of his laptop to see if Sunny was sleeping yet. He found himself having to get up at one point to refill the bottle of milk Sunny slept with, knowing that Sunny would want it if he woke up during the night. 

A short while later an awful smell began wafting across the room, causing Renjun to wrinkle his nose and warily eye Sunny. He took a moment to encourage himself before sliding the diaper mat from where he stored it under his bed and going over to pick Sunny up, holding him at arm's length. “You really stink.”

Sunny sleepily babbled away at him as he kneeled on the ground and began changing his diaper. Renjun quietly thanked him, kissing the bottom of his small foot for keeping his legs nice and limp and making Renjun’s job a little easier. Despite reluctantly being used to changing dirty diapers now, Renjun still really, really could not wait for the day he no longer had to deal with them. It was thanks to the many he had changed before that he had Sunny cleaned up and wearing a new one within minutes, quickly dropping the old one into a diaper sack and tying it closed extra tight. 

Hooking his hands under Sunny's armpits, he lifted him up into a standing position. He had intended to place him straight back into his crib but Sunny began bouncing on his feet with the support of Renjun’s hand. He couldn't help but smile as he watched Sunny look so happy to be up on his feet, something he had only recently begun to manage on his own with the support of something else. Renjun allowed him a few minutes of his happy little bouncing, too entranced by the bubbly laughter escaping Sunny's soft lips to complete the bedtime task straight away.

Eventually, Renjun found Sunny finally asleep with his legs wrapped around the penguin and ever so gently sucking on the bright orange pacifier intermittently. Renjun noticed that the ear from the same bunny toy Sunny had found that morning was also clasped tightly in his fist above his head. Renjun pushed Sunny's hair back from his forehead, admiring how cute he was in his sleep before switching on the night light that projected stars above his crib and sneaked out of the room. 

Renjun’s parents were sitting curled up together on the sofa, and his mum smiled when he folded himself into the space next to them, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand. Before Sunny had come along, Renjun had spent most of his evenings out gaming with his friends. Now, more often than not, he was at home spending time with his parents or studying. It had repaired his relationship with them for the most part, after the pregnancy bombshell and its unfortunate fallout had strained it. Things still weren't quite the same with his dad though, their relationship tense at times, especially when things like money or school were mentioned. 

Renjun still relied on his parents… a lot. Even with a part time job the fact remained — they did a lot for him. They’d changed their home around to accommodate Sunny, and gave up plenty of the free time they had to watch him while Renjun studied, or on the rare occasion, went out for a few hours with Chenle. They drove him to and from the hospital for Sunny’s weigh ins or vaccinations, and paid for his formula and nappies and clothes when Renjun’s money didn't stretch far enough through the month. And of course the hours his mother spent awake at night alongside him, especially in the beginning when Renjun had seemed to struggle with most things.

But they were there for all the good things too. The first time Sunny had smiled, and the first time he had sat up and crawled. His mum was convinced she had heard Sunny say his first word but Renjun was dubious, he still just mostly made happy sounds instead of actual words. His dad had been there the first time Sunny had pulled himself up and taken a few supported steps around the table, and had snuck Sunny a piece of soft cake as his first taste of real food. They’d both celebrated when Renjun passed a test he was convinced he would fail, and just that evening it was them who set off confetti poppers after dinner while singing happy birthday to him, Sunny clapping away in his highchair beside them.

Thinking about everything made Renjun kind of emotional. The last 18 months couldn’t have been easy for them. They’d lost friends and customers too because of it all; arrogant assholes his dad had called them. But despite the rocky start to their whole adventure with Sunny, they had supported Renjun through and through. 

“Thank you… for everything.” The softness in his voice surprised even him, and when he looked at his mother's face he could see that he had caught her off guard too. “For helping with Sunny and just… I don’t know, not killing me?” 

Both his parents laughed at his words, his mum patting his leg with the tenderness that was reserved only for people full of love. “No need to thank us Junnie, you know we adore Sunny.”

“Plus you should give yourself some credit kid.” Both Renjun and his mum’s heads snapped up to look at his dad, causing the man to laugh. “We know it's not easy for you, but despite your occasional temper tantrums you’re handling it pretty well.” 

“I do not have temper tantrums!” Renjun indignantly exclaimed at the accusation. What was he, five? It’s not like he stomped his feet and complained or threw things when things didn't go his way. And he let them know as much.

“Sweetheart…” His mother was hiding her laughter behind her hand, eyes crinkling with amusement, “are you sure about that?” 

Renjun gaped at her before the realisation hit him and he started laughing with her. Okay so maybe he occasionally had outbursts that were somewhat immature, but he still wasn't that bad. 

“But really Renjun,” his dad called their attention back to him in the middle of their giggling fit. Despite not having laughed along himself, the small smile on his face showed he found the pair amusing. “We know you’re trying hard to do your best with your situation, so if we have to help you out a little on the way, then we’re happy to do so.” 

“Also we just really love Sunny.” Renjun rolled his eyes and playfully swatted away his mother's hand when she reached out to mess with his hair, but he silently mouthed a ‘thank you’ to her before leaning back so that his face was resting against the back of the seat. Down the hall Sunny let out a little dreamy noise, drawing Renjun’s eyes to his open bedroom door. He waited to see if his baby would stir anymore, but when it remained quiet he made himself completely comfortable. He was happy that he’d had a good birthday this year... happy that he had his parents’ support... but mostly really really happy that Sunny had remained asleep and that he could just sit down and relax for a few hours. 

🌻

14 months

“Come on! You can do it baby! Come on!” Renjun was squatting in the middle of the living room floor with his arms outstretched towards Sunny, who was clinging onto Chenle’s fingers. Chenle, who was also crouching, was trying to gently free his fingers from Sunny’s grip so he would have to stand by himself. They’d been practising this repeatedly over the last few weeks, ever since Sunny had first let go of the table and tried to tentatively take a step all by himself.

His first attempt hadn't been successful, but Renjun and Chenle had shared a look of excitement and dove to the ground to encourage Sunny to try again. So far he had managed to take two little steps unsupported before falling flat on his bum, but the duo were determined to get him to accomplish the task of walking, hence their current positions. 

Renjun called again, smiling at Sunny and encouraging the infant to waddle his way over to him. “Baby come to me, walk to baba.” Sunny glanced back at Chenle before calling for Renjun, one hand tentatively reaching out with a whine. “No baby, you come to me!”

After a little more coaxing, Sunny slowly unfurled his remaining fingers from Chenles’ hand, who gave soft encouragement behind him as he lowered his hands to hover by Sunny's hips, ready to catch him should he stumble. “Go on cutie, go to baba!” 

With all the encouragement and smiles and coos being sent his way, Sunny lifted one foot and took one tiny step away from Chenle. Then another. This was as much as he’d made it thus far, and Renjun bit on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from cheering when he took two more, fully walking out into the open space he had to cross. 

Sunny seemed to notice this and swayed as he hesitated, arms thrown out towards Renjun as his little bottom lip wobbled. His eyes were blown wide open, but when Renjun dipped his head and met them with his own gentle eyes and smile, he took another step even if it was dangerously unstable. Behind him Chenle cheered, and behind Chenle, Yukhei, who had worked his way into Renjun’s life with cheerful determination and abundance of love for Sunny, and who was currently quietly filming the whole thing on his phone, threw a fist in the air. 

Within seconds Sunny had got far enough to grab onto Renjun’s hands, and as soon as he did the entire room was filled with cheering and excited whooping. Renjun buried his face into Sunny's neck, making the child squirm as his breath tickled against his skin. Placing Sunny back down, he turned him around so he was now facing back towards Chenle, who then mimicked Renjun’s earlier words (minus the dad part), calling for Sunny to try again. This time Sunny stepped away more confidently, causing Renjun’s heart to swell with admiration for his baby, his cheeks aching ever so slightly from all the smiling. 

They continued taking turns, forming a little triangle for Sunny to walk between when Yukhei joined them to get in on the fun. Slowly they edged further apart and watched in awe as Sunny became more and more confident, even running slightly between Chenle and Yukhei at one point, his hands waving around in the air and his long curls bouncing against his cheekbones with every little step. It didn't take long before Sunny even stopped needing their support to stand still at the start, but they all kept their arms raised and ready to dive forward and catch him just in case. 

Half an hour later Sunny's legs gave out from under him midway between them all, too tired from the new found exercise. Renjun laughed as he watched Sunny push himself back up off the ground with a huff and crawl away under the table where his favourite soft bunny toy lay discarded. At the obvious signal that he was done cooperating, the trio of teenagers picked themselves off the floor, identical wide smiles plastered on each of their faces. 

Yukhei ran a hand through his hair as he dropped down heavily into the middle of the sofa, bouncing slightly on impact. He pulled his phone out and snapped a picture of Sunny, who was now fully sprawled out on the floor, still under the table. “That was so cool!” 

Renjun sat down with more care next to his friend, peering over his arm to look at the photo he’d just taken. “I’m surprised he didn't faceplant the ground even once.”

“I thought he was going to when he stumbled between you two, but then _whoosh_ , he was back off.” 

Renjun laughed at the moment Chenle was talking about, how Sunny had yelled out when his foot had snagged on the rug. He managed to catch his balance at the last moment and continued his bouncy little steps as if nothing had happened, clapping at his own victory as he dived straight into Renjun’s chest and slightly winded him for the upteenth time. 

Sunny ended up dozing off right where he was, until Renjun woke him for dinner a few hours later. He shared the news with his parents, and as they watched a copy of the video on Renjun’s phone, earned another round of cheers. Over the following few weeks, the proud feeling came back to Renjun every time Sunny tried walking unprompted, and it was hard to resist smiling when he saw Sunny's eyes light up whenever he managed to use the new skill successfully.

Of course... Once Sunny realised that he could get to places quicker by using his feet than by crawling on his hands and knees, he was constantly whining to be put down and running off no matter where they were at the time. Renjun should have known that the excitement of Sunny’s first steps would eventually turn round and result in more work for him, especially in public when Sunny took off on his little legs and Renjun had no choice but to chase after him. 

🌻

Two years

It was perhaps not Renjun’s proudest moment nor his most dignified, and sure, he probably could have handled the situation a lot better than he currently was, but he probably wouldn't admit that to anyone if they asked. It was 6pm and he was fucking tired… and the last of his patience and reasonable mind had run out about halfway through dinner. 

He should have seen it coming considering Sunny had refused to nap after lunch. Renjun had got him ready and changed him into pyjamas and placed him in his bed like he would any other day. However, Sunny had pulled himself up on the bars in an ill-planned escape attempt and continued being noisy despite Renjun going in thrice to tell him to settle and go to sleep. At the ninety minute mark, Renjun had given up on Sunny napping and lifted him back out of bed. 

That was mistake number one.

Mistake number two came in the form of spilled juice, a soft toy, and a washing machine. On the surface it didn't sound like a mistake but when Sunny saw his favourite soft toy spinning around the machine drum he howled for it to be saved. Renjun tried explaining that it HAD to be washed, otherwise it would be sticky and smell gross, but Sunny had pounded his fists against the glass door, tears streaming down his face and wailing ‘bunny free, bunny free’ until he was red faced, snotty and entirely inconsolable. About ten minutes into the disaster he had tried to carry Sunny out of the kitchen, promises of cartoons and chocolate going entirely unheard by the two year old as he thrashed about until Renjun almost dropped him after receiving a foot to the stomach and an elbow to the throat. In the end, he had left Sunny on the kitchen floor, where he eventually settled into small hiccups instead of full blown sobs till the end of the wash cycle.

Then came dinner time. And his third mistake. 

Like most nights, Renjun sat Sunny down at the dining table while his mother cooked dinner for the rest of the family before his dad came home. The only difference tonight was that Sunny, who was ordinarily well behaved at this time, defiantly refused to eat so much as a mouthful of the meal Renjun had prepared, despite it being one of his favourite foods just a week before. 

Renjun stared at the wall opposite him, taking a slow breath through his nose in a desperate bid to not lose his temper as Sunny knocked over his bowl a second time and sent vegetables scattering across the table. A part of him noticed the wall’s ugly green paint had begun peeling in the upper right corner due to its old age. Without so much as looking at Sunny, he then began scooping the food back into the bowl, grimacing as his fingers came into contact with a half eaten mushy carrot. 

As soon as he placed the bowl back down, in front of Sunny, his small fingers curled around its rim, already trying to tip it back over before Renjun could lift his own hand away. With thinly concealed agitation Renjun tried to prevent the food from being thrown a third time.

“Don't you dare,” he warned as Sunny pushed the bowl back against his. “Sunny, don’t even think about it.” 

Sunny’s lip curled back as he fought against his father, using both hands to lift the bowl up. Renjun slammed it back onto the table, raising a finger between them both. “I said no. Eat it.” 

Instead of trying to eat as instructed, Sunny swiped his arm to left and sent his drink bottle flying onto the ground with a hard thud. Renjun reached down to try to grab it while still holding onto the bowl, wincing when he felt the muscle in his shoulder tug at his contorted angle. Above him, Sunny seized the opportunity of distraction and grabbed a handful of his dinner, throwing that too over the edge of his chair. Renjun froze as he watched food shower down in front of him, in complete disbelief at the toddler’s behaviour. 

Ignoring that he should have tried regaining his composure and calmly cleaning the mess, that was the final straw for Renjun’s patience. 

He righted himself so quickly it had startled Sunny into the back of his seat, his little mouth hanging open in surprise. Without so much as a word, Renjun grabbed the bowl and the bottle and stormed out of the dining room. His mother watched as he emptied the remains of Sunny’s dinner into the bin and threw the bowl and utensils into the sink with enough force that it rattled against the metal sides for several long seconds after. 

“Renjun, don’t get-” Before she could even finish her sentence he was sidestepping around her back out of the kitchen. 

As she followed behind him, wiping her hands on her apron, he looked over his shoulder scowling. “Don't start. He’s the one-” pointing his finger to where the still stunned toddler sat staring at them “- who is being an impossible little brat.” 

“Don’t call him that, he doesn't mean to be difficult.” The tenderness in her voice and the sad smile she gave Sunny as she walked over to lift him up from his high chair had only served to agitate Renjun more. 

“I wouldn’t call him that if he didn't insist on being one!” 

Renjun’s mother only shook her head and began walking away from him, taking Sunny with her. Renjun watched them go before stalking off to his own bedroom, throwing the door back with enough force that it bounced off the wall and rebounded back into his arm. 

Eventually his mother had come to find him, slapping his ankle without much force. He groaned into his pillow as he turned his face away. “Go away.”

“Your son needs to be put to bed and as his father, it's _your_ responsibility.” She had punctuated every word as if the fact that he was responsible for the child who had been on a warpath all day was lost on him. “So get up, stop throwing your tantrum, and get him ready for bed before he falls asleep on the sofa.” 

Arguing with his mother was his fourth and most ill-thought out mistake of the day, tipping him slightly over the edge of rational thinking. 

And so that is how Renjun found himself finally and completely losing his sanity, as he stood in the bathroom yelling at and being yelled at by a completely naked two year old who, after a disastrous bath, was refusing to let his father dry him off while his hair dripped water all over the floor. 

First, from the moment Renjun had lowered him down into the bath, Sunny had decided that he would spend the whole thirty minutes of his father trying to clean him, throwing water directly into his face. Then, when the time came for Renjun to wash the shampoo out of his hair, Sunny squirmed around trying to avoid the warm water that Renjun was trying to so carefully pour, resulting in suds washing down into his eyes. And when Renjun attempted to rinse Sunny's eyes out, he had been pushed away, Sunny's little hands clawing at his chest as he wailed in his face. The screams had only stopped when Renjuns mother had slid into the room and soothed him enough to rinse his eyes out herself while Renjun sat defeated under the sink, his head tipped back and eyes closed as he tried for the upteenth time that day to calm his fragile patience.

Once his mother had left again after sending Renjun a warning look, he hastily began emptying the bath of toys and water, too tired from the whole experience to want to spend anymore time in the bathroom. But of course, Sunny didn’t want to make even that easy. He’d thrown himself down against the empty tub, going limp and heavy everytime Renjun tried to lift him out. It took twice the amount of effort to drag him from the tub than it normally would, and once out Sunny absolutely refused to stand still to be towelled off. 

So, of course, by the time it came to drying his hair, Sunny's behaviour hadn't improved, refusing to let his father dry while his hair dripped all over the floor. Renjun threw the towel down between them in frustration, Sunny even having the nerve to push it away with his foot as if it was some hideous thing.

“Sunny,” Through gritted teeth, Renjun tried one last time. “This is the last warning. Let me dry your hair.”

Sunny's reply, despite being short was full of attitude, “No!” 

“Come here!” 

“No!” 

“Huang Taiyang! I mean it, stop this!” 

“No!” Sunny was defiant, his voice confident and loud despite the repeated warnings from his father, and Renjun found himself giving up on trying to get the toddler to comply.

He lunged forward to grab Sunny, but the two year old shoved his hands out, hitting Renjun straight in the face. Blinking back his surprise, Renjun sat stunned for a moment before moving to grab the naughty toddler again. Again he was met with a hand to the face, but being less surprised this time, he managed to wrap an arm around Sunny’s waist. 

Sunny began screaming “No!” again and again as he kicked and struggled against Renjun while Renjun pulled him closer and dragged the towel so it was draped over Sunny's head. Renjun began roughly drying the toddler's hair, but the moment Renjuns grip loosened Sunny wriggled his way free and dove away from him. 

“Said no! No! No! NO!” Sunny shoved his finger between them and stamped his foot down onto the tiled floor for added effect. 

“Well, I said yes!” Renjun raised himself up on his knees so he was looking down at Sunny, “Now, get back here so I can finish getting you ready.” 

A heavy stomp was followed by another yell of no, before Sunny decided he had had enough and ran at full speed around Renjun, narrowly avoiding his father as Renjun made to grab for him again, and disappeared out of the bathroom. Renjun threw the towel at the wall before chasing after him, feet thudding against the floor as he ran. Sunny had dived into Renjun's bed and pulled the duvet right over him but he’d missed the top of his hair that had fanned out above his head. Ripping back the duvet, Renjun wasted no time in grabbing Sunny and lifting him up before he could get away again. 

Sunny fought back against Renjun as he dressed him in pyjamas, but flopped back onto the bed as Renjun tugged his trousers over his diaper, finally admitting defeat. Not in the mood for bedtime stories or a cuddle, Renjun put Sunny straight into his cot but reigned back his frustrations enough to still give the toddler a kiss goodnight. Sunny laid clutching his freshly cleaned bunny to his chest as he sucked on his pacifier, but kept his eyes open, watching Renjun across the room with a wide watery stare. 

Ordinarily, Renjun might crack and lift Sunny back out of the cot to cuddle him in his own bed for a little while but tonight he was tired and agitated after the day they had had, so he ignored Sunny from his bed and turned his attention to school work instead. The look Sunny gave him tugged at Renjuns heart and made him feel terrible, until the toddlers eyes could no longer stay open in their fight against sleep.

Once Sunny had finally settled to sleep and Renjun had finally unclenched his jaw, he slumped forward with his head in his hands. Today, he felt, had been so difficult, a real test of not just his patience but also of his parenting. When they had days or nights like this, it really made Renjun question how fit he was to be a parent. In the moments he lost his anger with Sunny or when he found himself barely able to control his words, it hurt to think that maybe he wasn't as capable as he wanted to be. When they had days together that made Renjun struggle, the worst part was when he doubted his love for Sunny. He knew it sounded despicable, but he couldn't help it when he was pushed to the edge of self control, he couldn't help but think that maybe he didn’t love Sunny enough to be a good parent.

It was ridiculous because he knew he adored Sunny, that he thought Sunny was the brightest star in the world. But sometimes, whether it was late at night when Renjun was exhausted or after a hard day of tantrums and screaming, he found himself questioning if this was the right thing. If _he_ was the right thing for Sunny. If Sunny was the right thing for him. It was hard to deal with… well everything when Renjun was only 17. It was hard enough without the terrible thoughts that creeped up on him. Even though sometimes it was a struggle, he always tried to squash them down. Always reminded himself that he was doing okay, he’d gotten this far with Sunny and that he knew he loved him. And that was enough sometimes. He’d remind himself that nobody ever said it would be easy, and even though often it was harder and more emotionally taxing than he’d ever expected, there would always be tomorrow where he could try a little harder, love a little harder. 

_Tomorrow,_ Renjun decided as he laid back against his pillows, tomorrow would be a better day. Tomorrow would be easier. It had to be.

🌻

The next morning, Renjun felt terrible about how he’d put Sunny to bed, and for being short tempered with him overall, so when they woke up Renjun carried him to his own bed and snuggled under his duvet with Sunny wrapped tightly in his arms. Sunny was all giggly at all the early morning affection, tipping his head back and digging his hands into Renjuns hair when he covered the toddler in kisses. Renjun found himself laughing along with Sunny as he squirmed around in his arms, ticklish from all the soft presses against his skin.

Unfortunately, eventually Renjun had to acknowledge the fact they had to leave the warmth of his bed, and slowly began stretching out his limbs, trying to remove the desire to continue just staying in bed. Sunny was at the foot of the bed, laid out on his stomach with his legs kicking in the air above as he played with an ambulance toy, adding all the sound effects himself. When Renjun finally dragged himself up and out of bed, Sunny followed him to the edge of the bed, holding his arms up for Renjun to safely place him on the floor. 

As Renjun cooked them breakfast, Sunny played on the floor by his feet, having fun sliding across the floor because of the fluffy socks he’d chosen to wear. Renjun laughed as Sunny slid by him with a big grin before wobbling to a stop. Breakfast went a lot more successfully than dinner had the night before and they managed to finish it up pretty quickly. As Renjun watched Sunny fill his mouth up with egg, it dawned on him that the toddler had probably been hungry while going to bed since he’d refused his dinner. 

After breakfast Renjun sat Sunny down with some crayons and paper, the toddler lighting up immediately when he saw what Renjun was holding. Sunny had loved anything to do with art or messy play from the very first time Renjun had let him hold a crayon. While Sunny coloured, Renjun sat back and checked his phone. He very rarely woke up to lots of notifications considering his social circle was quite small and other than a twitter account he’d made after leaving school, he didn't spend a lot of time on social media. However, he’d heard his phone going off over breakfast and when he finally checked it he saw multiple messages from Yukhei inviting him and Sunny to go out with him and a friend. Renjun weighed up the options for their day. 

  1. They could stay at home and just relax. They wouldn't have to get dressed and he wouldn't have to worry about meeting someone new… and whether or not that person would like him and Sunny.
  2. They could take up Yukhei's offer. They hadn’t seen him recently because both he and Yukhei had been busy with studying. Truthfully, he kinda missed his friend and he knew Sunny loved Yukhei. Even if Renjun didn't know Yukhei’s friend, the fact that Yukhei had invited them out meant that he thought his friend would be cool with having a toddler around, right?



Despite the very short inner argument, Renjun agreed to joining his friend, knowing ultimately it would result in a more joyful day for Sunny. The park where they’d agreed to meet wasn’t far from the apartment so Renjun wouldn’t have to worry about rushing out, thank god because somehow Sunny had somehow coloured half of himself in during the brief time Renjun had taken his eyes off him.

🌻

  
  


Renjun had anticipated was to see Yukhei lounging on a picnic blanket when arriving at the park. What he hadn't expected, as he stopped at the entrance to the park holding Sunny's hand, was to see another group sat further up, most of whom he recognised from his old school… including Sunny's birth mother. Sunny, oblivious to who was in such close proximity to him, yelled and took off on his little legs towards Yukhei and his friend, his hair bouncing around his head with each step and his loose t-shirt billowing behind him from the soft breeze blowing through the park. 

Yukhei had jumped up when he’d heard Sunny, jogging towards the toddler and lifting him up to spin him in the air. Renjun made his way over slower than Sunny did, glancing back over to the other group occupying the green space and making awkward eye contact with Yilin before quickly darting his eyes away. As he reached where Yukhei was still spinning Sunny around, Renjun swallowed back the anxiety that had clawed its way up his throat at seeing his old schoolmates. 

Yukhei pulled him into a half hug, balancing Sunny on his hip to pull Renjun close to his other side. Behind them on the blanket, Renjun spotted the other member of their group, a boy with long silky hair and a smile wide enough to light up his face. When he sensed Renjun's attention on him, he gave him a small wave, his smile growing even more impossibly wide as the trio made their way back to him. Yukhei quickly introduced them all to each other, and Sunny quickly took to his friend, Hendery, climbing into his lap to play with his hair the same way he liked Renjun to play with his, wrapping it around his tiny fingers.

Even as Renjun settled slightly in thanks to Yukheis never ending positive attitude and the friendly introduction to Hendery, he still felt a little uneasy with who else was there at the park. He made a conscious effort to try not to bring up the hostility he felt for the parks other occupants into the atmosphere of his own group, staying silent most of the time. However, as they began eating the food Yukhei had brought with him, his friend had clearly had enough of Renjun’s quietness and finally questioned him on it.

After listening to a shortened explanation of who exactly Renjun had seen and why he tended to avoid said people, Yukhei sat forward resting his chin on his hand and looked directly at Renjuns eyes. “Tell me why you should let people like that ruin your day. I mean look at them-” he lazily waved a hand in the general direction of the other group without bothering to look “-they don’t look like anything special.”

Renjun snorted, because of course Yukhei would react like that. He knew his friend was trying to lighten the mood, but the fact that Sunny was that close to someone who had abandoned him still left him feeling sick, even if the toddler had no idea of the situation. 

“You don’t understand, this is the first time she has ever seen Sunny. Even if he has no idea who she is… it's just weird. I hate it.”

“Yeah well, from what you’ve said about her I hate her” Yukhei said it so calmly that it was almost comical, but when Hendery added his opinion Renjun actually laughed.

“I’ve known you for like an hour and even I don’t like her.”

Once he had composed himself again, Renjun picked at a sandwich as he spoke, offering little pieces to Sunny to eat. 

“I know they haven’t done anything but there's always that unease that they will. I wouldn't put it past some of them to trip Sun up while he was playing or something, they’re honestly that immature.

It's like, some of them were my friends before everything and they pretty much sold me out just to gain favor with her and her friends because she was more popular. It was so stupid, some of the things they’ve said about me… about Sun even though they’ve never met him. It's insane but turns out people are fucking stupid ‘cause they loved the gossip. I don’t want that kind of people anywhere near Sunny, you know?”

“No offence Jun, but if you think I wouldn’t drop kick anyone who said anything bad about my favourite baby boy, then you’re stupid.” Yukhei pulled Sunny back over to him, squeezing the toddler's cheeks as he made his declaration, causing the youngster to try to scramble away from the overly large hands gripping him.

Hendery laughed at the pair even as he opened his arms up for Sunny to climb back into his lap, handing him a small piece of cucumber to suck on as he sank back against his chest. Renjun eyed the drool dripping down his son's chin, knowing if he didn't intervene his top would quickly become soaked, and so before matters could get worse, he dug a hand into his backpack which always seemed to have a spare bib somewhere in the bottom.

After lunch, Yukhei and Hendery initiated a small game of football with Sunny while Renjun sat to the side watching. Sunny was clumsy on his feet, often missing the ball, even losing one of his bright blue trainers at one point, but he was grinning and chasing after the much taller boys whenever they playfully got the ball from him. There didn't appear to be a goal or a goalkeeper, instead Hendery alternated between joining in on the chasing and hovering by a tree, pretending to dive and miss the ball whenever Sunny kicked it his way. 

Sunny was no match for Yukhei and Hendery’s long legs, but they slowed their pace to match the two year old's, at one point Yukhei simply jogging on the spot until Sunny full belly dived on top of the ball. Renjun snapped picture after picture on his phone of the trio, cheering whenever Sunny ‘scored’, laughing as the toddler threw his small hands up in triumphant victory as Hendery put on a show of acting defeated. 

Renjun was so distracted he almost didn't notice as someone approached him from behind, only sensing the other presence at the last moment, whipping his head around in surprise. He stared slack jawed at the boy he had called his best friend from the age of six. Renjun fumbled for something to say, he hadn’t talked to the other boy in two years and Renjun hadn’t even noticed him within the other group. He looked the same as he always had, hair cropped short and cheeks puffed out with childhood chubbiness he still had yet to mature out of. Renjun, tensed as his former friend sat down next to him, looking over to where Sunny was currently ‘tackling’ Yukhei for the football. Renjun’s anxiety rose once again at the acknowledgement of where his ‘friends’ attention was directed, but couldn't form the words to tell him to leave. 

“That's him, huh? The baby?” God, even his voice had remained the same, too raspy for his age, and Renjun wondered if two years had truly passed with the lack of changes the other had gone through. “You know Renjun, I didn't think you’d actually keep it.”

Renjun looked at the side of his ‘friend's’ face, frowning at the way he spoke about Sunny. Sunny who was Renjun’s own little sun. Sunny who was laughing and smiling and having fun oblivious to the hatred the world had for children that came from families like theirs. Sunny, who kept Renjun going when everything got a little too tough. Thanks to his anger overpowering his anxiety of the situation, Renjun finally had the courage to find his words, his voice cold as he snapped.

“Don’t talk about him like that. In fact, it’d be great if you just left.” 

The other boy chuckled lowly as he turned to face Renjun, blanching slightly at the hard look on Renjuns face. Whatever he had expected coming over here, he hadn’t anticipated Renjun’s reaction, “Fuck, calm down. I barely even said anything, can’t I come say hi to a friend?” 

“We’re not friends.” 

Nodding at Renjun's reply, his eyes slid back over to Sunny, “Maybe you should leave, having him here is making Yilin uncomfortable and we were here first…”

Renjun scoffed, like he gave a fuck about how she felt. Why should he and Sunny leave because she didn't like not being able to pretend that Sunny didn't exist, that _he_ didn't exist? Perhaps it was because Yukhei was close by, or maybe the fact that Sunny wasn’t within hearing distance but Renjun decided he was done always running away whenever he saw his old school friends. After all it wasn't his fault they were awful people. 

“I don’t care. Really, I could _not_ care less about how that _bitch_ feels, or any of you for that matter. So you should just go back to your little group of friends and hope they don't screw you over the same way you did to me.” 

They stared at each other, neither wanting to back down. Renjun was tired of always letting them make him feel like he should be ashamed of being a teen parent. He'd spent years avoiding pretty much everyone and for what? He hadn't done anything to warrant half the shit they’d thrown at him, at least he’d stuck around for Sunny. 

“You shouldn’t talk about her that way, not after what she had to go through.”

“What _she_ had to go through?” Renjun was in disbelief, “ _She_ didn't have to go through anything. I’m the one who has to deal with everything, not her. It takes two sets of genetics to make a kid you know, it’s not like she wasn't involved in the process.”

“Yeah but she-”

“She nothing-” Renjun was seething now, sick of people always defending her, as if she had been tricked into having a child. “ _She’s_ the one that got to return to normal life. I _love_ my son, and I don’t regret keeping him. Not being in his life is the only decent thing she's done for him.” 

“Oh come on, she didn’t get to just-”

Renjun had had just about enough of this argument, but before he could respond a voice from above them interrupted, “Is there a problem here?”

Yukhei. Beautiful, tall, Yukhei stood towering over the pair, glaring down at the unwanted visitor with open hatred, a look Renjun had never seen on his face. Hendery was distracting Sunny from the situation by picking flowers with their backs turned to him, and whether it was intentional or not Renjun was glad Sunny wasn’t part of any of this. 

When he was given no response, Yukhei tried again, “Well? Is there? Renjun who the hell is this and why is he on my blanket?” Despite addressing a question to Renjun, Yukhei still looked down at the other member of their conversation. 

“He was just leaving, weren’t you?” He looked to his ex-friend, trying not to laugh at the fear in his eyes as he stared up at Yukhei. “I think we’ve said all we have to say to each other.”

Slowly turning to face Renjun, only breaking eye contact with Yukhei at the last possible moment, the other’s voice wavered as he spoke to him, “I don’t get why you have such a problem with me when I was only being friendly, but sure, whatever, I’ll leave.” 

Before he could leave though, Renjun, with in a final rush of bravery, said one last thing to him before standing to join Yukhei, who had stepped forward when Renjun’s old friend had begun to rise. “Just so you know, after everything you said about me, all the fucking lies you told everyone, I fucking hate you. So don’t ever try to come near my son again. And I'm glad us being here makes you all uncomfortable, cause now you know how i’ve felt every time I’ve seen you. ” 

🌻

3 Years

Renjun found himself staring at a building that held Sunny's kindergarten, hand wrapped securely around Sunny’s much small one as they hesitated outside on the pavement. Sunny watched with interest as other children ran past him in little groups, backpacks bouncing with their every step and their parents trailing behind them. It was a big day, Sunny’s first day, and the toddler did not share any of his dad's nervousness. It wasn’t so much that Renjun hadn’t been looking forward to this day as selfish as it was he was excited to have even just a little more free time to himself, but the thought of completely handing Sunny over to people he didn't know… it was weird. Renjun wouldn’t consider himself a clingy parent, but Sunny was his baby and they’d barely spent a day apart since he was born so this was a big step.

The night before, Renjun had sat on the phone for hours tiring Yukhei out with all the things that could go wrong before his friend had finally shut him up by saying it would do Sunny good to be around more kids his age. They’d left the house earlier than necessary but Renjun had picked a kindergarten further out of town for privacy, and he desperately hadn’t wanted to be late. In the end they’d been twenty minutes early and left waiting for the doors to open up for them. They had visited a few weeks before so he could be shown around and introduced to the staff. The initial surprise from them over the fact that he was clearly a much younger parent than they had expected hadn’t fazed him, too accustomed to it now, but the shock that he had done his research of the kindergarten had made him laugh. He’d looked online through nearly every kindergarten available in town before choosing theirs. 

Sunny would be part of the group of older children, and although the staff had felt the need to assure him that they would help Sunny settle in, Renjun didn’t really have any worries about Sunny making friends. Sure, Sunny could be shy with new people, especially adults but he was just more than a little concerned that Sunny could be a little … _much_ at times, how bold he could be if he so felt like it and that the other children might be put off by his assertiveness.

Sunny seemed to be getting impatient as they slowly walked up the steps to the front entrance, tugging at Renjun’s as he trailed behind the rest of the parents. When they arrived at the space for the children to store their belongings, Sunny immediately tried bolting for the main playroom and Renjun had to quickly grab the straps of his bag to rein him back in. Sunny pulled against him wanting nothing more than to run off and play, but Renjun not only needed to hang up his stuff but also have one last moment with his baby before Sunny went off to do his own thing. Sunny seemed less eager to have a quick cuddle before going in, but he still wrapped his small arms around Renjuns neck and gave him a quick kiss. The moment Renjun let go, however, he darted off, barely giving Renjun a chance to shout “love you” before he was gone. It seemed Sunny had heard him though because not a moment later his head appeared around the side of the door frame and he shouted it back, lifting his hand up in a brief wave before vanishing again.

Renjun was left standing in the entrance, staring at the spot Sunny had just been as the other parents pushed past him, rushing around to get out as quickly as possible. It didn't take long before he was the last person standing there with Sunny’s bag still clasped in his hands. Slowly, he dragged himself away from watching the door and looked for an available bag hook which wasn’t anywhere near as easy as he’d expected considering that no matter how many bags he shuffled through, he couldn't find a single empty hook available.

Thankfully, one of the kindergarten teachers appeared as Renjun span on the spot a third time, and realised what dilemma he was going through almost immediately. She chuckled at Renjun’s hopeless look before holding her hand out. He handed over Sunny’s bag with an apology but she only smiled at him, “When there's no hook, which happens a lot ‘cause some mums think they need to bring more than one bag, you can store them over here in this cabinet. Just in the future make sure your child knows where it is.” 

“Oh, oh thank you” Renjun dipped his head in thanks, cheeks heating up since he hadn't noticed the big cabinet that already had a few bags already stored in it during his hook search. “It’s my son's first day so…” 

“Oh little Sunny? He’s already in there making friends, so cute isn't he!” 

Renjun couldn’t help but agree, cause yeah, Sunny was cute, the cutest if you asked him but he held back on that bit. It was nice to know Sunny was already making friends though, and he really should start leaving but Renjun’s feet were still rooted to the spot. He couldn’t hear Sunny due to the sheer volume of noise in the main room but he still listened out for him, hope for one last sign that he’d be okay without Renjun as the staff member hovered by the front doors, waiting for him to leave. Eventually he dragged his eyes away from Sunny’s little mickey bag and reluctantly walked away.

It was weird being home alone. Renjun wasn’t scheduled to work and he'd only had a small amount of classwork to do, which he’d completed before an hour had even passed. So for the first time in a long time he was laying on the sofa, mindlessly flicking through tv channels without having to worry about anything. Renjun should've been enjoying his new found freedom but instead he found himself quickly growing bored, too used to having to chase around a toddler or spending his little free time studying. He found himself growing restless having nothing to do. With a solution in mind, he jumped up and looked around seeing what needed tidying. There was a pile of Sunny’s toys stacked haphazardly in the corner of the room, but the reason for that was because his toy box was already too full. Turning around he spotted a few stray bottles sat on the dining room table next to a pile of his dad's work papers and a few of Sunny’s clothes had been thrown over the back of a chair, so that's where he started. 

Renjun had cleared the living room, kitchen and even his bedroom of any mess, standing in his bedroom doorway surveying the results of his hard work and feeling ever so slightly pleased with himself. He’d been neglecting his bedroom for so long that he had found baby toys under the bed that he was pretty sure Sunny had grown out of maybe 18 months ago. Talking about neglect, he had also neglected to check the time. As he went to once again lounge on the sofa, he checked his phone and jumped straight back up, if he wanted to make it to the kindergarten on time for pick up, he’d have to leave immediately. 

Renjun was still pulling his jeans closed and his shoes were undone as he stumbled out of the front door, regretting his choice to change into sweatpants that morning as he’d lost precious time having to change back into more presentable clothes. While he normally didn't hesitate to go out in sweatpants, he wanted to leave a good first impression on the staff at the kindergarten, (even if he had already blown that idea with his cluelessness that morning.) 

Renjun ran between the bus stop and the kindergarten, managing to make it just as they were opening the doors to the small crowd gathered at the entrance. Renjun waited at the back, barely slipping in behind two mothers who were so caught up in conversation they’d blocked the doors. Once Renjun had grabbed Sunny’s bag and checked the contents, making a mental note to make sure Sunny had his missing juice bottle on him when he came out he moved off to the side, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he steadily grew excited at seeing Sunny again. As the children began filing out, Renjun searched for Sunny’s head of unruly hair, becoming impatient when he couldn’t spot him until second from last he came bouncing out of the door, eyes searching the small crowd for Renjun. As soon as he was spotted, Sunny ran over to him, already yelling all about his day as he jumped up into Renjun’s arms with a big grin. Renjun nodded along as he listened carefully to the quick words spilling from Sunny’s mouth, trying to remember the names of the other children Sunny spoke about playing with and which teacher had interacted with him the most. 

Sunny carried on talking from where he was perched on Renjuns hip, legs swinging back and forth on either side of Renjun’s thighs as they walked to the bus stop. It was great to hear all about what Sunny had got up to during his time at kindergarten and Renjun loved the fact Sunny had enjoyed it so much, especially when being away from each other for so long was such a new thing for them both. By the time the bus arrived and Renjun had them both seated safely half way up the bus, Sunny seemed to have tired himself out as he leaned into Renjun's side and peacefully watched the traffic outside the window, quietening down for the first time since he’d come back out of the playroom. Renjun appreciated Sunny’s calmness on the busy bus but found himself missing the sound of his voice. Having not heard it all day suddenly felt weird and although normally he would be waiting for the toddler to settle down, Renjun found himself having to resist asking Sunny more questions just so he could hear the joy and excitement as he spoke again.

Nearly every trip home after Renjun had collected Sunny from Kindergarten continued in a similar fashion. Sunny would come running out to meet him, ready to tell Renjun all about the activities he’d done or what children he had played with that day. Sometimes he’d tire himself out enough that he’d fall asleep on the bus ride home, head rested against Renjun’s chest or slumped over in his seat. Occasionally, he’d have so much to say he’d still be talking when they disembarked the bus, stories flying out of his mouth at rapid speed. Most days Sunny would come out covered in paint or pen, or even worse, mud. Renjun had decided he wouldn’t win the fight against Sunny getting dirty and reluctantly accepted the fact he’d just have to do the washing more frequently. He also didn't have it in him to tell Sunny to be more careful when he came out every day with such big smiles.

  
  
  


🌻

Renjun was busy trying to get Sunny ready to go out with Yukhei for a few hours so he could go shopping when his phone rang. Glancing over to the phone Renjun could make out that the caller id was unrecognised and for a split moment he considered not answering at all, until he noticed the country code. Scrambling to get to the phone where it sat across the carpet just out of arm's reach, Renjun picked up the call before the caller cut it off, catching himself seconds before his chin would have collided with the dresser. 

It was the landlord of the apartment he had applied for, an acquaintance of his parents that had agreed to rent him the place on the grounds that they pay three months rent upfront and he passed a background check. His parents had agreed to loan him the money for the rent and helped him fill out the forms, and despite knowing there wasn’t anything back in his past (beyond the whole teen pregnancy scenario), he’d still been anxious to hear from the landlord and find out if he and Sunny would have a place to live in a matter of months.

Renjun had been accepted to university in Korea, a huge step for him to take. After Sunny was born he had doubted he’d manage to make it this far educationally, but for him to move abroad too... that was something he had thought was entirely a fantasy. It hadn’t been an easy decision to make, uprooting Sunny from everything he knew and if he failed his classes then it would have all been for nothing. But this, studying in university and moving out, was something Renjun wanted, no, _needed_ for himself. He’d sacrificed so much in order to raise Sunny, and yes, it had all been worth it because he adored Sunny with every piece of him, but he was tired of always having to choose between being a nineteen year old and a parent. He wanted to be both, he wanted the experiences of both. So university. . . he was desperate for it. Once he’d realised how badly he wanted to go, he'd worked so hard for it, pushing himself to his limits in order to graduate high school with good grades. 

After that, it just relied on him getting them somewhere to live. 

He almost sobbed when the landlord gave him the news he wanted, covering his mouth with his hand before "thank you’s" began pouring from his lips. Renjun would have to keep the apartment in good condition and the furniture it came with to be kept, but they offered to let him have a week's grace period with his rent each month so long as it was paid within that time frame, which was a small mercy considering he didn’t have a job in Korea and a three year old to keep alive. After, they gave him rough dates he could move in after and informed him they would contact him once an exact moving date had been determined with the lock codes for the doors and other relevant information. Renjun agreed to whatever they said, too ecstatic from being told the place was his to even really think about whether or not the information he was being given would work for him. 

As soon as the call cut off, Renjun threw himself at Sunny who had rolled away from where Renjun had left him, picking him up in a tight embrace and pressing his face against the toddler's shoulder. Sunny laughed in return, hands flying up to grip Renjun’s hair in tight fists as he pressed himself close to Renjun’s chest. Renjun smiled into the soft cotton of Sunny’s dungarees, breathing in the sweet scent that always seemed attached to the toddler. Sunny didn’t know why his dad was so happy, unaware of the stress Renjun had been in waiting for the call, but he beamed along with him. As they hugged each other, Renjun couldn’t help but sag against Sunny's much smaller body, as it all really hit him. Renjun had been trying to shield Sunny from all the stress of applying to university and getting them somewhere safe to live, it hadn’t been easy considering how perceptive of other people's moods the toddler had recently been. But other than a few minor incidents where Renjun had lost his patience briefly, mostly due to lack of sleep from staying up till ridiculous times of night, they had made it through exam season and everything following without any breakdowns. 

After a short while Sunny wriggled free of the embrace, taking Renjun’s hand instead and pulling his father to his feet as he led the way out of his bedroom, socks left behind where Renjun had dropped them to answer the phone call. It didn't take long for Renjun to realise where Sunny was leading him, laughing when they came to a stop in front of the snack cupboard. Sunny flashed him his biggest smile and wide eyed look, hands already reaching for the handle before Renjun could even say anything and Renjun was in too much of a good mood to stop him from rummaging in the cupboard until he was satisfied with something. It was only when Yukhei rang the door buzzer that he even remembered he was supposed to have Sunny ready to go out, too caught up in the fact they were going to be moving into their own first apartment. 

🌻

Tomorrow was moving day and for the fifth time that hour, Renjun was going over the list of things he had to make sure he packed. They’d already sent ahead the majority of the stuff he and Sunny would need while living in Korea, but he had a little voice in his head that kept telling him he’d missed something important. Chenle had come over to help him pack, but even he had grown bored of watching Renjun unpack and pack the same two suitcases over and over again, leaving Renjun’s bedroom to go play with Sunny in the living room instead. Renjun had been over everything multiple times and his parents had helped him pack, so surely there wasn't anything missing but he still found himself pulling out the contents of the suitcase he’d packed for Sunny once again, checking every item as if it may have changed in the last twenty minutes.

Renjun was meant to be spending the day with his friends. They had all been kind of somber as his moving date had approached, knowing that their time with each other was coming to an end. Sure, Renjun and Sunny would travel back to China, and his friends would be able to visit them in Korea, but it wouldn't be the same not being able to see each other whenever they wanted to. Renjun hadn’t expected himself to be quite so affected by it, having not put too much thought into being alone again until suddenly he had less than a month left at home and it hit him that he was really leaving. At first, the thought of moving away had been exhilarating, a dream almost, but now it was really happening and there was no going back. But here he was, rummaging through Sunny’s clothes for the umpteeth time instead of actually spending time with Chenle. 

Although Sunny had never had a mother, he’d gained a whole new family: three ‘uncles’ who loved him with everything they had. 

Chenle, who had loved Sunny before he was been born, who had taken Renjun at his lowest point and picked him back up. Chenle, who had helped Renjun pass all of his classes even though he was a year behind him, by teaching himself Renjun’s classwork so he could later help him study. Chenle, who had become Renjun's best friend from the very start, after refusing to back down when Renjun had been cold and distant. Chenle was probably the person Renjun would miss the most. His younger friend had been Renjun’s biggest source of support for the longest time, always being there for him no matter the situation. Chenle was also a part of nearly all of Sunny’s biggest milestones. He'd watched him grow alongside Renjun, and it felt weird to imagine him not being there when Sunny reached his next big steps of growing up. 

Yukhei, who was always willing to help Renjun through his breakdowns when he was too overwhelmed, even if it was in the middle of the night… Yukhei was and would be there to listen. Yukhei, who always encouraged and hyped Renjun and Sunny with everything they did, making them feel confident that they could accomplish any task. Yukhei, who had decided they’d be friends after their first shift together, even though Renjun had been tired and mildly irritable at the time. Later that night he’d received a message on his phone asking if he’d like to join Yukhei at the cinema, and despite Renjun ignoring the offer at first, Yukhei was persistent and in the end, he’d won Renjun over. And it was once Yukhei had heard about Renjun's past and had the unfortunate luck of meeting some of Renjun’s old friends, he had grown protective. Renjun appreciated it, knowing that someone would defend him when he couldn’t find the courage to do so himself. Yukhei was especially protective over Sunny, not ever wanting the toddler to be hurt in any manner, always doing everything he could to make sure he was safe and happy. 

And Hendery, who despite their good first meeting, had been the victim to many of Renjuns sleep deprived outbursts during long shifts at work in the months that followed. Renjun had felt bad almost immediately considering how Hendery had treated him and Sunny the day they met at the park, but Sunny had hit a difficult stage and he’d been too exhausted to try to think of a way to apologise. Eventually, Yukhei had confronted him about it, insisting that he needed to sort it out because it was making not just Hendery, but his other friends feel uncomfortable too. Once Renjun had explained and apologised, Hendery had laughed and told him it was okay, he was just happy to know he hadn’t inadvertently done something to insult Renjun. Hendery had quickly become a source of laughter, always wanting to play with Sunny and spreading his high energy positivity to the youngster. Hendery was also the voice of reason, reminding everyone of the responsibilities when they got a little out of control, and was always the one to give the best advice when Renjun came begging for it in their group chat. Hendery had fit into Renjun and Sunny’s lives like he was always meant to be in it. 

It would be strange for Sunny too, to suddenly not have his grandparents and three favourite uncles around. He'd been clinging to them, and vice versa, for the last week. Sunny had always been expressive with his emotions but on days where he cried when the others left, Renjun wondered if he understood more than they thought, if he knew that a big change was coming. Most nights now, Sunny would eventually make his way into Renjuns bed late into the night, climbing up to snuggle close to his dad's chest. Renjun welcomed the toddler and the warmth he brought with him, as he himself felt better with the company while thoughts about university raced around his head. 

Sunny had left kindergarten at the last possible moment, Renjun regretted that he had to pull Sunny out of somewhere he loved but he’d found a new one near his university that hopefully the toddler would enjoy just as much. Renjun had also been trying to teach Sunny some basic Korean, which had varying levels of success. Even on the days Sunny had little interest in learning a new language, Renjun persisted, knowing how crucial it was for Sunny to ease into their new surroundings. 

Renjun knew however, that no matter how many nights he let Sunny sleep in his bed, nor how many Korean lessons they had, nor how many days they spent doing nothing but playing with his friends... there would still be plenty of tears when Sunny realised they had left everyone behind. 

It would be difficult to live without them, even though Hendery assured him nearly every day that he would make new friends and their little family would grow. Renjun knew that nobody would be able to compare to his three friends. Not for him and not for Sunny. Maybe that's why he kept going through the suitcases, as a dumb excuse to stall for time before the inevitable happened… when he would have to say goodbye. 

Later that night, Renjun and his friends gathered in his living room for one last night together. Renjun was squished between Yukhei and Chenle and Hendery sat on the floor against his legs (even though there was a perfectly good chair for him to sit on).Yukhei and Hendery had arrived before Sunny had gone to bed, insisting they be the ones to put him down for the night while Chenle and Renjun had curled up on the sofa together. Renjun had finally accepted that everything really was packed, meaning he had no more distractions from the fact this was the last night he’d see his friends for a while.

“You need to be brave,” Yukhei randomly blurted halfway through their movie, squeezing Renjuns knee. “You’re gonna be fine over there.”

“And kind so you can make new friends.” Hendery added with a grin, while the other three snorted at the acknowledgment that Renjun hadn't always been the most welcoming.

“And remember we’re only a phone call away it's not like you’re just going to vanish.”

Renjun agreed with Chenle, nodding to his friend. “Totally, you wish it was that easy to get rid of me.”

“Really Jun, you can contact us no matter what. We know this is a big thing for you but don’t forget you have us.” Yukhei’s words tugged at Renjuns heart, he hadn't actually voiced outloud how his nerves had really started to set in, but his friends knowing without him saying anything meant a lot to him.

“I’ll be fine right?” He didn't ask anyone in particular but all three of his friends quickly agreed, smiling at him from all directions as they reassured him.

“Just… don’t go having anymore kids. Finish university first yeah? I don’t want to have to spend the next three years helping you pass again.” Chenle joked. They all laughed, knowing Renjun had absolutely no plans of having another child and Renjun knew Chenle didn't mean any harm in what he said.

“And don’t meet anyone cooler than us either.” 

“I don’t think I could meet anyone better than you guys. God, Sunny is going to be asking for you all the time.” 

“Good, because we’ll be asking for him all the time.”

“You can keep him?”

“Okay deal.”

“No, wait, no-” Renjun sputtered. Yukhei sounded so dead set on keeping Sunny that he panicked for a moment, thinking he’d wake up in the morning to his son missing. He wouldn’t put it past his friend to sneak the three year old out of the house just to gain more time with him. Usually it was endearing how much Yukhei loved Sunny, but right now it was concerning. “You can’t keep him, I take it back, he’s my baby.”

“For now.”

Renjun wrestled with him hitting his friend's arm causing Yukhei to laugh. Renjun was disadvantaged though, by the fact Yukhei was basically twice his size, and easily ended up sprawled across his friend, huffing as he simply made himself comfortable instead of fighting back anymore. 

The group settled back down, Hendery stealing the space Renjun had previously occupied on the sofa now that Renjun was lying across his friends. They could have been awkward with anyone else but Renjun trusted his friends with everything… including not throwing him off the sofa. They watched the rest of the film in peace, Renjun almost falling asleep not far from the end. He was too warm and comfortable to prevent his eyes feeling heavy but he fought off the desire to rest in favour of spending every last moment he could with the others. 

After the film, Chenle decided they should play some games on the console he’d brought over with him, even though Renjun absolutely sucked at them. Ever since Sunny had been born his skill levels had become almost non-existent thanks to his lack of time to play and he had never played the suggested game but his friends still managed to convince him to compete. Inevitably, he accepted defeat, throwing his controller to the ground with a groan. He’d lost three rounds in a row while the others made it look easy. 

“This sucks!” 

Hendery barked out a laugh, not taking his attention off the screen while Yukhei patted Renjun's thigh, continuing to play with his other hand. Chenle, however, wheezed as he turned to look at Renjun and his pouting, “You only think it sucks because you suck at it.”

“No, the game is just stupid.”

Chenle sounded so offended by Renjuns comment, holding his hand to his chest as he fought back. “Hey! This game is one of the best this year!” 

“It still sucks!” 

Renjun got up, leaving the trio to finish the game without him in favour of finding some food. He’d barely got to eat at dinner because he was too occupied helping Sunny, resulting in his food turning cold. Unfortunately for him, his mother was on a health kick and there were barely any good snacks left in the cupboards so Renjun kneeled to look through the shelf they kept stocked with food for Sunny. The majority of it was packets that were definitely too aimed at toddlers for Renjun to stomach, he wasn’t desperate enough to eat bars of mashed apple and banana thanks. But as he dug to the back of the cupboard, he hit the jackpot, finding a packet of his favourite honey chips unopened. 

Returning to the living room with cheeks full of food, he rejoined his friends as they competed against each other in a new round. Renjun rested his head against Hendery's shoulder, watching as his character died on screen at the hands of Chenle. With his character dead, Hendery also dug his hand into the bag of chips and placed his head on top of Renjuns. Together they watched as Yukhei and Chenle stalked each other around the game's map, looking to outsmart their opponent. When neither seemed to be able to win, Renjun grew bored and leant forward to turn the console off altogether, receiving groans and protests in response. 

“I thought you were here to spend time with me, not to play games!” Renjun pouted, his words filled with mock hurt, but it did little good into making his friends feel guilty about choosing games over spending quality time with him.

“Wrong,” Yukhei grinned back at him, placing the controller by his feet and grabbing the food from Hendery’s hands, “we came to see little sun”   
  


🌻

**Author's Note:**

> \- huge thanks to those who helped getting this finished. especially for helping edit while it was still a work in progress!! your patience is amazing because i can barely form a coherent sentence. this fic would still be in the drafts it wasn't for you.


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